It's that time of year again, the season of giant parachutes collapsed in brightly colored heaps on the front lawns of suburbia.
I'm no scrooge, I enjoy the self expression of the holidays as it pertains to both the interior and the exterior of a home... But c'mon folks... Have you any idea whatsoever as to how white trash, a series of giant deflated characters littered across your lawn appear? When I'm witness to such carnage, the following conversation comes to mind... "Sorry neighbor, my garbage must of tipped over with the wind last night and blew across your yard. As you can plainly see we had Christmas Elf with a side of Rudolph for dinner last night... Here, just let me clear those carcasses for ya!"
I passed a home in our neighborhood this morning with not just one, not two, not three but FOUR giant deflated snowmen littered across the lawn. It looked like mortal combat had ensued during the midnight hour, the frost upon the grass appearing as the over spray of bodily fluids, from Frosty and his enemies. Kids shouldn't be witness to such horror... Hell, I can scarcely stomach it before breakfast.
Starting today, here and now... I'd like to start a petition to put an end to the violence. NO MORE DEAD INFLATABLES!... IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS DECENT AND IN PRESERVATION OF GAYLY COLORED PARACHUTE FABRIC EVERYWHERE... FOR GOD'S SAKE, STOP THE MADNESS... IF NOT FOR YOU, DO IT FOR FROSTY!
*This ad paid for by a generous grant from the society for the preservation of decent holiday decor.
Labels: absurdities, For Fun, Holidays, Humor