Pushing

It's like I'm pushing a boulder uphill, through deep snow, with the wind in my face. I'm frustrated so I drew a picture... I really rock that paint program.

What does one do when they're giving 110% and it feels like the people around them... The very people one is trying to help... Quite simply don't give a shit! Should one just throw their hands up in the air, walk away and have all the hard work they've already invested be for naught?

Last night we were watching the last installment of the Lord of the Rings saga and even though I've seen the entire trilogy, I really can't keep it all straight (is it Narnia they're fighting for, is that Dumbledore, where's Willow?) I've mentioned before how that whole back and forth struggle to get that damn ring to the fires of Mordor is just too frustrating for me to bear. But last night while I was busy working on this stuff, this stuff that sometimes feels so pointless, I find myself wondering if I'm just wasting my time... Anyway, while I was working away, I asked my husband, "What's with that guy, that king guy, why does he want to burn the body of his son when his son isn't even dead, what's that guys problem anyway?" To which my husband replied: "He's given up, he's a giver upper, he's a big wuss!" Meanwhile, I'm watching poor Gandalf (who's no longer grey but all white now), ride hither and yon, putting (quite literally) fires out everywhere. I mean, how many battles can one guy fight, am I right? And then when one of the hobbits (Mary, Pippen, Lucy... whoever) starts talking about dying, Gandalf makes even the end sound so wonderfully wonderous (and he should know, he's white afterall) that he convinces that little hobbit to be brave and well, just happy to be a part of it all (you know, because Peter Jackson is going to make a killing on this whole franchise along with anyone associated with it.)

So, long story short. I have to ask myself, am I a big wussy quiter like that king with the itchy torch? Or am I like Gandalf, ready to fight each battle as it arises, keeping my eye trained on the big picture?

Nope, I'm just a huge geek, working hard, looking for answers and pushing... Always pushing.