Monday, May 08, 2006

What I'd give for a vacuum that doesn't SUCK!... Or should I say, One that does...?

Last September I purchased a new vacuum... I remember, because it was the day after I bought it that I discovered the joy of 'blood poisoning' all because of a hang-nail (but that's a story for another day.) The old vacuum wasn't 'sucking' well and being fairly a dinosaur at 3 yrs. old it was ready to be retired... I think the life of a vacuum is equal to dog years... Or possibly more equal to the life of a tse-tse fly.

This latest vacuum lasted all of 8 mos... Not even a full term pregnancy! I should clarify... It's not exactly 'dead' yet! It still runs... In fact, I doesn't want to stop running... Let me explain...

Last week I was vacuuming the upstairs and as I was doing so I noticed that the handle of my 'Eureka Boss' (ya, who's the Boss?) was becoming quite hot. Initially I chalked it up to my working so hard as in, "Look at her go! Man, she's really burning up the handle of that vacuum!" But then I went to turn off the vacuum (oh let's just call it 'The Boss', from here on out, shall we?)... So I went to turn off 'The Boss' and *click*... It wouldn't turn off! *click-click*... Still running!.... *click-click-click-click-click*... Still going! Okay, this is where it gets funny! For those of you who don't know me... I'm one of those people who isn't ever quite sure of herself. I automatically assume that if something doesn't work correctly that I must just be doing it incorrectly... Mostly because that's usually the case. So here I am standing there with my vacuum (which is still running!) and I'm wondering to myself, "Gee Marge, maybe you're just not turning it off correctly?!" That's when the other voice in my head says, "For God sakes Margie... There's only one way TO turn it off!" So I continue to click the switch back and forth a few more times and 'The Boss' continues to mock me with it's motor running at full power. I'm ashamed to admit this... In fact I didn't even tell my husband this part... But for an instant I stood there in terror wondering how I was going to silence 'The Boss'... Would it continue to run until my husband got home and could figure out a way to 'kill it'? And if he didn't get home soon enough would 'The Boss' turn on me and eventually suck me up too? That's when I cam to my senses and silenced my rabid imagination and the thought of unplugging the sucker finally sunk in. I lunged for the outlet and was relived when 'The Boss' quieted... And yes, I was relieved to know that my husband wouldn't come home to find me trapped inside a lint, dirt and hair filled canister pleading to be released.

After unplugging 'The Boss' I went over and grabbed the handle to move it and that's when I realized that the handle was REALLY HOT!!!... And I don't think it was because I was working really hard either. So, I made a decision right then to call an expert! Yes, I called my husband at work and said, "I couldn't turn the vacuum off and the handle is really HOT! Should I continue to use it? (I'd finished all but 2 rooms of the upstairs.) And you know what he said? You couldn't turn the vacuum off? Did you try the switch?... Like I've never vacuumed a day in my life!!! Uh duh, didn't think of that... Gee, thanks! (See why I didn't tell him about the 'unplugging' part?) So he asked me what kind of 'switch' it had... "I don't know, a clicky, toggle sort of thing... Does that make a difference?" I said. He advised me not to use it and said he'd look at it when he got home. So I busied myself with a couple of other tasks and eventually thought to myself... "2 Rooms, just 2 rooms left to do and then the whole house will be free of carpet grunge!" So I went over and grabbed 'The Boss' (by now the handle had cooled of course) and it roared to life as soon as I plugged it in and I finished up the last 2 rooms (before the handle could get hot again.) I tried to turn it off the 'Regular' way as soon as I was done but 'The Boss' still had a mind of it's own. So yet again, I pulled the plug! And you know what happened??? When my husband got home he plugged the bastard, uh I mean, 'The Boss' back in.. *Clicked* the switch and it turned OFF!!!! Now my husband can't understand why I want a new vacuum.... Eventually though, as he continued to mess with it he got the same glitch (Thank heaven, I'm NOT crazy!) He says he wants to find a dealer to fix it... As for me, I'm on the lookout for a better vacuum... Preferably one that doesn't suck!... or One that does suck!... Oh, WHATEVER!!!!

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