Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Regarding Parenthood

This post in response to a comment Newleywed Girl made regarding my post on Tuesday.

Newleywed Girl said...
That was a great story...funny Jimmy and I were discussing the "kid thing" the other night...I confessed that I am scared out of my mind of this whole, carrying another human around in my stomach and being responsable for not falling down the stairs and running into things and eating crappy when I want to...then the fact that it will be a real live human and fully our responsibilaty...dogs are so much easier...not to sure if I am ready, but then I think I have friends who have more then one and a cousin 5 years younger who has one 5 years old now!! Does the scaryness go away?

Dear NG,

The scaryness NEVER goes away!

There's the fear of making the decision to become a parent.

There's the fear that now you've made the decision you won't be able to conceive. The heartbreak you feel each month after trying is nearly unbearable.

At last the day arrives when the stick turns blue and the fear is immediate, the excitement tremendous, the anxiety begins. Imagine what it must feel like to have your insides tossed with a wire whisk... It kinda feels like that.

Your pregnant, you get a head-ache, a sinus infection, the flu... You stress over what you can take for relief so as not to harm the precious cargo growing within. You walk into a smokey room and wonder if you should inhale. You attend a 'Stevie Nicks Concert' (true story) and realize that smell in the air isn't cigarettes and also worry if the music blasting from the speakers might in some way harm the fetus. You worry about helping to paint the nursery, what about the fumes? It goes on and on...

You attend your first 'Lamaze' class and get a close-up look at the birthing process and think, NO WAY, I didn't sign up for THIS?

You feel your baby kick inside of you... You feel his/her hiccups... You watch your belly as the bulge of an arm or a leg moves across it... And you marvel... And you fall in love... And it's the BEST feeling in the entire world, one that even the most eloquent poets can't put into words.

Your water breaks or you begin to feel the first pangs of labor and the excitement really outweighs the terror at that point... Because after all this time, you just can't wait to meet this little person.

The labor process progresses and there may come a point when the terror outweighs the excitement... Some people are fortunate enough to go through labor fairly easily, I was one of them.

Then the moment comes when you hear a cry and you get the chance to look into the face of a miracle that you and the one you love created together... And the memory of that moment will bring tears to your eyes for the rest of your life.

Then it gets REALLY scarey and as long as this person you created walks the earth it will continue to be frightening. Will he fall? Will she ever stop sucking her thumb? What if he can't be potty-trained by the time pre-school begins? Will she do well in school? Will he make friends? Will she stay away from the wrong crowd? Will he graduate? Will she meet the right man? Will he go to college? It's a never ending roller-coaster... But it's an E-Ticket Ride!

I realize there are some people in the world that know right off that they're not cut out for parenthood and I'm glad they've made that decision... But I can't imagine how empty my life would be without my kids. They bring joy. They bring frustration.... But most of all they make me a better person. I've grown as an individual having gone through the ups and downs that come with parenthood.

Nineteenth-century writer Elizabeth Stone said it best: To decide to have a child is to decide forever to have your heart walking around outside your body... If you're both ready for that, than you're most likely ready.



Blogger Limey said...

yep, what margie said (including respecting the people who KNOw they are nto cut out). although my experience is somewhat different. i really was so peaceful and not inclined to worry when i was pregnant and had a really rough delivery.

but that quote is perfect. always havng your heart walking around outside your chest. it is such a marvel though, seeing the world through their eyes as they grow and develop.

10:59 AM, January 25, 2007  
Blogger Margie Blystone said...

Oh definitly Lime, and then there's the day when you realize that this little person actually has a mind of their own... Woo, then the fun really begins!

8:16 PM, January 25, 2007  
Anonymous Linda J. said...

I couldn't agree with you more, Margie. I feel sad for people who've made the decision to not have children, even though it may be the right choice, because they're missing SO MUCH. We have several friends who made that choice and their outlook on life seems (to me, anyway) to be so narrow. I can't imagine not having had the opportunity to love so deeply as one does with kids. Wait til the grandkids come. That's the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. It doesn't get any better than that!

9:07 PM, January 25, 2007  
Blogger Margie Blystone said...

Being a 'GRAND-Parent' seems like heaven Linda. Hopefully, it'll be a while before that particular blessing!

9:12 PM, January 25, 2007  

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