Grinding Away...

In a nutshell my teeth have always looked like crap. I just wasn't blessed with beautiful, straight, radiant white teeth like both my Mother and my Father. So much for winning that fragment of the genetic lottery.

Yesterday I went to my dentist for a routine check-up and cleaning. It was then that I learned I had yet another broken tooth (What is this with all my teeth breaking now that I'm over 40??? Damn, this aging thing really stinks!) Anyway, I went back to the dentist again today (2 Days in a row at the dentist... Woo Hoo, my social calendar has never been SO exciting!) and mentioned to my dentist that I was curious why one of my front teeth appeared to be sporting a fang. I never outgrew my buck teeth with the lovely gap in the middle and now it seems I was also becoming a vampire. After shoving a needle in my gum he said, "We'll have a look at that after I freeze you up!" 10 minutes and a sagging lower lip later he came back into the room and said, "Okay, let's have a look at that front tooth!.... A-huh!... Now bite for me, not your regular over-bite but bring your bottom teeth forward... Ah-ha!" Seems I wasn't growing a fang but grinding away half of my front tooth and leaving a fang in the process... Lovely! I thought it was only my husband that grinded his teeth at night... Seems I also make a hobby of it.

My dentist informed me that I could go to the local sports supply store and buy a bite guard like the football players wear to halt the grinding... And if the low cost solution didn't work I could have him make me a 'bite guard'. Either way I have this picture in my head of me crawling into bed to snuggle beside me husband and driving him mad with desire as I smile sexily at him with my plastic bite guard. Maybe I should finish off the look with a 'Breathe Right' nose strip and a couple of smudges of mascara under my eyes. Perhaps I should start buying my sleepwear in the mens sporting goods department and wear a jersey with the number 41 on it (the age I was when I began wearing a bite-guard.) I could even step it up a notch and start calling out play numbers before I fall asleep... 33, 42, 78 - Zzzzzz!"

Well, at least I don't have the fang anymore. My dentist filed it down into a nice straight line with my other tooth. I actually feel a bit sexier now. I wonder though, if I pass on wearing the bite guard how long will it be before my front teeth get filed down so far as to be shorter than the rest of my teeth... I bet that's gonna look attractive!