Screwing Up The Nerve....
I awakened early this morning... Nerves already jumping over the anticipation or more appropriately the anxiety of presenting my cards to the manager at the local flower shop. I won't go through the tedium of all the ritualistic things I did to prepare myself for this mornings meeting but I will tell you about the battle I had in my head over where to park once I got to the shop.
"Should I park in the front?"
"No, not in the front, that's for customer parking... Definitely the back!"
"But where in the back? What if I block an area where they park the flower trucks?"
"Park in the nether regions of the lot!"
"But that leaves me terribly exposed, carrying my big case of cards, people will stare, people will point... I can't do it, I just CAN'T DO IT!"
"Ahhh, you're such a wuss... Just park out front then!"
So I park in the front and am at once greeted in the lot by an employee loading flowers into a van. He walks back into the shop through a side door, should I go in THAT door? Should I go in the Main entrance? Another conundrum! I begin to head towards the door he came out of but quickly decided that might be a service entrance and end up looking like a complete idiot as I weave my way toward the first door and back toward the other.
I walk into the shop, no one around but Oh, that Heavenly smell!!! I LOVE flower shops! Before too long a lady I kinda recognize but don't really know greets me and asks if she can help me. I blurt out almost too quickly, "Hi, my friend spoke with someone last week about the cards I make and it was suggested I come in this morning to meet with her?" I know, I sound like such a moron... *hitting self in the head*... Damn, why didn't I introduce myself first, offer my hand... I've really gotta work on representing myself in a more self-assured fashion. So, what happened next? I'd love to say she looked at my cards, proclaimed they were the most amazing thing she'd ever seen on paper, hug me and say, "I'll take a thousand!"... No, instead she looked at me and said, "Oh, I'm sorry Dawn isn't here today, there was a family emergency. You might want to wait and try back next week." Trying to hide my disappointment, I expressed concern for Dawn's mom which really was heartfelt because I worked with Dawn last year on a community sponsored event (hooray Dawn, at least I know Dawn.) I'm at least a little relieved that I now know who I'll be meeting with.... But damn, spending the morning working on screwing up enough nerve to go and do this only to have it fall flat is... Well, it's just frustrating and I'm exhausted from the effort.
I'm sure this whole experience is layered with growth potential. Potential to build self-esteem... Potential to practice patience... Potential to market myself well. Right now though, I just want to crawl into a hole and forget the whole thing.
"Should I park in the front?"
"No, not in the front, that's for customer parking... Definitely the back!"
"But where in the back? What if I block an area where they park the flower trucks?"
"Park in the nether regions of the lot!"
"But that leaves me terribly exposed, carrying my big case of cards, people will stare, people will point... I can't do it, I just CAN'T DO IT!"
"Ahhh, you're such a wuss... Just park out front then!"
So I park in the front and am at once greeted in the lot by an employee loading flowers into a van. He walks back into the shop through a side door, should I go in THAT door? Should I go in the Main entrance? Another conundrum! I begin to head towards the door he came out of but quickly decided that might be a service entrance and end up looking like a complete idiot as I weave my way toward the first door and back toward the other.
I walk into the shop, no one around but Oh, that Heavenly smell!!! I LOVE flower shops! Before too long a lady I kinda recognize but don't really know greets me and asks if she can help me. I blurt out almost too quickly, "Hi, my friend spoke with someone last week about the cards I make and it was suggested I come in this morning to meet with her?" I know, I sound like such a moron... *hitting self in the head*... Damn, why didn't I introduce myself first, offer my hand... I've really gotta work on representing myself in a more self-assured fashion. So, what happened next? I'd love to say she looked at my cards, proclaimed they were the most amazing thing she'd ever seen on paper, hug me and say, "I'll take a thousand!"... No, instead she looked at me and said, "Oh, I'm sorry Dawn isn't here today, there was a family emergency. You might want to wait and try back next week." Trying to hide my disappointment, I expressed concern for Dawn's mom which really was heartfelt because I worked with Dawn last year on a community sponsored event (hooray Dawn, at least I know Dawn.) I'm at least a little relieved that I now know who I'll be meeting with.... But damn, spending the morning working on screwing up enough nerve to go and do this only to have it fall flat is... Well, it's just frustrating and I'm exhausted from the effort.
I'm sure this whole experience is layered with growth potential. Potential to build self-esteem... Potential to practice patience... Potential to market myself well. Right now though, I just want to crawl into a hole and forget the whole thing.
Labels: Life
posted by EmBee at 10:02 AM
11 Comments:
ok, so let's look at it this way. you got through that and it didn't kill you. you decided ways to make your introduction better AND you know who the person is you'll meet with. think of this as a dress rehearsal. next time will be the performance and it will go more smoothly.
See... I just KNEW there was a bright side.
Thanks, Lime
:-)
You are so not alone. I have the same kind of tortured conversations in my head ALL THE TIME.
I fear new restaurants because 1. I won't know which door to use. 2. What if they don't have a Seat Yourself or Please Wait to be Seated sign?
THEN WHAT DO I DO??
A coupld of months ago my husband and I went to a new restaurant. It had THREE doors and NO SIGN. It made me throw up inside of my mouth a little bit. :)
Lime is so right. You are already so much better prepared for your next attempt.
Good job!
Just remember...it won't kill you...so you can do it!!
I'm so with Lime on this one..dress rehearsal! You did awsome just by going in there. I am trying to work up the courage to do something similar with my photography, only I don't have anyone around to be my promoter so I probably won't do it. LOL
I used to create with paper as well..cards, scrapbooks, you name it. I taught classes, I sold for a rubberstamp company etc, your analogy about the work involved withering your creativity on the vine was spot on. I haven't touched a stamp in 3 years. Other than to list them on ebay... sigh...
Stacie
Chandra... Oh honey, you and I could have the most fabulous conversations regarding this issue... I'm the same way with gas stations, car washes and don't even get me started on the library!
Stacie, You have taken on running freakin' MARATHONS! There is NOTHING you can't do! Wish I could help you with that promoting stuff but, well, it's a given I suck big time at that job! So were you with 'Stampin' Up' or 'CTMH'? I spent 9 yrs. as a 'CM' consultant and still have boxes of old CM crap! I'd love to see your work, we should send each other a card.
You can do it! I know you can! It's tough starting out but soon it will be so easy that the cards will be flying out of you hands into grateful store owners.
I always have mini panic-attacks before this sort of thing. The worst for me is going somewhere like a wedding reception if they don't have assigned seating.
"Oh my god, where do I sit? We have to go early so we get a place to sit. We can't sit TOO close, but I want to be able to see people. If we're too far away people will think we aren't good enough to be up front. Where should we sit? WHERE SHOULD WE SIT????"
Breathe, little buddy. Just breathe.
I get through it on a near-daily basis. You can do this.
Thank you so much for this Margie. I love knowing other people have these ridiculously tortured arguments RIGHT IN THEIR OWN HEADS. Some Day I'll share with you what I go through when I have to fly.
(Including seeing a whole bunch of school children on a trip, and thinking, Well, God Wouldn't Kill Them, would he? and then realizing what a wonderfully tragic headline it would make).
Amy, isn't it surprising when we find out we're not alone in this world and so many others have the same screwy tendencies? Though I have to say I haven't considered the school children... Now I will... Thanks for planting THAT image!
<:-O
I love finding out just exactly how human we all are in our real lives. I can't believe how much fun I am having and it doesn't cost a dime (other than electricity) ...
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