Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Kids And Their Toys...

Irene's post regarding her son and his mutiliation of toys brought to mind my days of playing with Barbie's. When my step-sisters and I had our 'Peyton Place' at the Barbie Beach House.

One year I was the unfortunate recipient of a 'Quick-Curl Francie doll' for my birthday. I'd love to share a picture so I looked on ebay, but all I could find was Francie's dress because, well... because there can't possibly be a 'Quick Curl Francie doll' left on the face of the earth that even remotely resembles a Barbie per se. The only way to keep this babes hair intact would be to never even attempt to remove her from the original package and kids who are capable of that kind of restraint just don't deserve a doll nor the title of 'Kid'.

Here's Francie's Dress:

I did locate this 'Quick Curl Barbie' photo and you can just tell by the look on her face, she's mighty pissed about the bad hair day she's had to put up with since 1974.

However, in comparison to my 'Quick Curl Francie' this chick has the hair of a goddess. For you see, 'Quick Curl' meant that Barbie's regular synthetic hair was infused with wire so you could roll it around the little plastic phallyic symbol (shown above) and like a 'Vidal Sassoon' curling iron it would viola' hold the style. Try it more than once though and the wire kinked beyond belief 'til all you had was a medusa thing going on.

Unlike Barbie, who as we all know is eternally perky and was blessed with the shape of no other woman on earth, with the exception of maybe Pam Anderson... Francie was the poor underdeveloped cousin who would spend the whole of her life loathing that bitch Barbie. I mean, shouldn't their familial genes at least play some part in HER womanly growth... Yeah, their faces looked almost exactly alike but the boobs... Where were the boobs? Poor Francie got short-changed in the mammory department. So, what's a girl to do who's hair has gone way beyond the stage of 'Bride of Frankenstein' and can't fill anyone's clothes except for little 'Skipper' and only the blouses at that. I'll tell you what she does... She goes Butch!

I wish I had pictures of poor Francie with her shaved, barely there hair and her less than feminine attire as she ended up barrowing most of her oversized clothes from Ken. Alas, in those days the idea of a phone with the capability of taking actual photos and sending them via airspace was so H.G. Wells, we would've never thought it even conceivable. We just kept holding out hope that one day we'd be able to watch movies while on long car trips... 'Cause I mean, if they could put a man on the moon... Why couldn't I watch 'The Incredible Mr. Limpet' on my way to Grandma's in Podunk, Kansas? But I digress... So with the 'Outing' of our girl Francie, our little Barbie world got a WHOLE lot more interesting. If only the writers over at 'General Hospital' would've accepted our scripts I think we could've made their show so much more interesting.

Thanks Mattel for that whole Quick Curl idea... You have no idea the impact you made on my 10 yr. old world. I received my education on social dynamics via a world with 1 Ken, 3 Barbie's and a lesbian Francie.



Anonymous Amy said...

Dang it - there was a book I had once full of short stories about Barbie, and some of them were weird.

So I looked on amazon for it, and, of course, there are literally over seventeen THOUSAND Barbie books.

So instead - I'll leave you with this "Barbie Poem" - by The Nields

I think that I shall never see
A woman as lovely as Barbie
Barbie, with her ski jump nose
Standing tall on tiny toes
Impossible boobs that will not droop
To conquer Ken, she need not stoop
If she were mortal, she would be
Six foot five and a hundred and three
She's so tall, I could not feel shorter
Small wonder I have an eating disorder
She sleeps in her camper next to my bed
With visions of traveling filling her head
She wishes she could sing like me
But she can't
Her mouth is painted on
And her eyes won't shut
And she never bleeds
And she never cuts
And she cannot read or count or cry
And she'll never age
And she'll never die
And I think that I don't want to be
Staring straight ahead for all eternity

Anyway - thanks for the laugh.

6:22 PM, July 25, 2007  
Blogger Margee-Martha-Marsha Pick-One said...

And thank YOU for the laugh Amy... That was priceless!

7:37 PM, July 25, 2007  
Blogger Irene said...

HAHA! That was very entertaining! :)

I was never fond of dolls. I preferred my brother's toys and my books and Lego.

I guess I was never really a girly girl. But I liked boys. I still do. HAHA! ;p

9:23 PM, July 25, 2007  
Blogger thethinker said...

Poor Francie. Her hair is a mess!

I can't remember really playing with Barbies at all. If I did, it must not have been something I did very often.

9:57 PM, July 25, 2007  
Blogger Margee-Martha-Marsha Pick-One said...

Irene & Thinker, I'm not sure we were so much 'playing' with the dolls as we were humiliating them.

8:58 AM, July 26, 2007  
Blogger Whiskeymarie said...

I don't think that we had a single barbie that survived our childhood (3 girls in my family) intact. Most of them were bald, some were decapitated in some sort of horrible "dream mobile" accident, and some had scary makeup via permanent markers.
Poor Barbies.

10:26 AM, July 26, 2007  

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