Monday, January 21, 2008

Thoughts on Hospitals

ON TIME:
Hospitals are a dark and swirling vortex, of which time and space very nearly stand still. Seconds become hours, hours become days and days become years... Relatively speaking.

The time it takes to release the patient from the hospital will be directly proportionate to the amount of snow and sleet collecting on the local roads.


ON TELEVISION:
There is no volume on the television which is low enough to be conducive for sleep, yet loud enough to drown out the disturbing noises coming from the patient across the hall.

YES, you CAN watch too much Discovery Channel... And why does the show 'Dirty Jobs' ALWAYS air during the dinner hour?

Cash Cab is the stupid man, who lacks transportation, answer to Jeopardy.

NO, a Planet of the Apes retrospective on BRAVO, doesn't make for a pleasant way to pass hospital time.

Why do hospital televisions only receive 6 stations and why does one of them have to be CSPAN?


ON PAIN MANAGEMENT:
Always be sure to ask for pain medication at LEAST one hour before you'll be needing it.

It's a good thing the patient can't remember the pain they endured and their moans of distress... Too bad they can't give something to the patients parents to help them forget.

ON FOOD:
If you aren't given the chance to fill out menu choices for dinner, you'll find brussle sprouts as the vegetable accompanying your mystery meat.

Initially the lunch and dinner menu will include foods such as milk, coffee, turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, fruit cocktail, pudding and water-ice... However, once the dietary department realizes they're serving a 17 yr. old boy, dinner consists of nothing more than a hot-dog, a bag of chips and a can of soda.

ON CLEANLINESS:
There is NO easy way to urinate when you have to drag around a 4 ft. tube trailing from your chest.

17 yr. olds, no matter how badly they'd like to bathe, will NEVER submit to a sponge bath.

If the doctor pulls a foot long length of tube from your chest and bodily fluids happen to splash upon your bedding and the floor around your bed, you'd better be damn happy you have a mom with the stomach to clean it up... Because there's no telling how long it would take in 'hospital time' for someone from housecleaning to make it to your room with a mop.

********************************************************************************
Thanks to all who kept Zak in their thoughts. He's doing really well. He still feels like he got punched really hard on the right side of his chest but hasn't needed anything stronger than an Advil since the day after he got home, even though the hospital supplied him with some really good 'stuff.'

Three days in the hospital has taken every ounce of energy out of us. The house needs a good cleaning but with my current perspective it doesn't really matter all that much.

We knew things were really back to normal yesterday when Zak and his sister got into one of their, oh so common, snipping contests, throwing angry words back and forth at one another... Yes, some things never change.

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4 Comments:

Blogger lime said...

oh man you just brought back so many memories...the pain meds advice is very wise indeed.

glad to hear things have gone well and zak is healing up. continued prayers for a complete recovery.

7:34 AM, January 22, 2008  
Blogger Margee-Martha-Marsha Pick-One said...

Sorry to dredge up old 'painful' memories Lime. How is that wrist healing?

Thanks for your kind thoughts. :-)

2:26 PM, January 22, 2008  
Blogger Whiskeymarie said...

So glad to hear that it all went well.

Save the pain meds- they may come in handy sometime.
;)

12:08 PM, January 24, 2008  
Blogger Stacie said...

Oh YIKES! That was so accurate a description it was scary! I'm glad your son is on the mend and finally home. That having tubing ripped from your chest? NO FUN! This I know for a fact...NO FUN AT ALL!
Stacie

5:20 PM, January 24, 2008  

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