Want to buy a magazine?

So Saturday my son answers the door and of course, tells me it's someone for me....
*yeah right, thanks a lot... Why not Dad, he's right over there.*

So, not having had a shower yet and looking like shit, I go to the door, where our trusty watch dog Anna is keeping the stranger at bay.

"HI, My name is Troy! How are you today? I don't think we've met, I live in the neighborhood and your neighbor Dave ..."

*I'm thinking, Dave who, I don't know any Dave? and 'Troy' noticing the perplexed look on my face, begins to describe 'Dave'* "

...Yeah Dave, really tall guy with red hair."

*Still no clue... Later come to the conclusion there is no 'Dave'*

Troy starts up again, "Anyway, 'Dave' just purchased some magazines... You see, I'm selling magazines to earn my way to Holland with my soccer team... Have you ever heard of the (some random name I've never heard of)... No? I met another guy in the neighborhood who plays and knows of us, but anyway... Part of why I'm here today, is to build communication skills, how am I doing?"

*blink, blink,...* "Um good."

Troy smiles enthusiastically and says, "Alright, high five!" and raises his hand.

*I lamely give him a high five.*

Troy continues his spiel about his desire to play soccer in Holland. I'm thinking to myself, "Hey dipshit, I'd like to play soccer in Holland too! and I don't even play soccer... But I've got a damn near better chance of putting money towards my own trip to Holland, before I'd give you any." But I didn't say that... Instead I chatted him up.

"So..." I said, "Let me ask you something...., if you really want to get to Holland so badly, why don't you just get a real job which I'm sure will pay you much better than this magazine gig?"

Troy prattled on about team effort and people skills so I asked him my next question... "Yes, but isn't the majority of the money for the magazines going to the publishers?" That's when he whipped out his little black 'wallet' with the carefully folded and laminated list of available magazines. Then he showed me a price break down of how much of the money from each magazine sale goes towards his trip and his lodging while in 'Holland'.

Troy explained that nearly the entire amount of my subscription price for 'Off Road Magazine' a $38 value for a 1 yr. subscription is broken down to $18 for air fare and $16 for lodging. He then pointed out that the publisher made their money on the shipping cost of the magazine, which was $15 (!!!).

"So let me get this straight Troy, I pay $53 for a magazine I neither want, nor need, so you can kick a ball around Holland?" *No, I didn't really say that, but you know I was thinking it, along with, What the HELL makes him think I'm even remotely interested in Off Road ANYTHING??? Oh, it's because I haven't taken a shower yet.... Yeah, I'll bet that's it.*

What I did say to Troy was that I just didn't need ANOTHER magazine. So Troy stepped it up a notch.

"While I understand 'You' might not be interested in any magazines, we have a program where you can purchase books for The Children's Hospital."

I sighed and said, "Troy, I already donate to St. Jude's and I hope with that money, if they need books and magazines for the kids, they will be able to purchase them."

Then Troy informed me about the magazine program for the men & woman serving overseas... And believe it or not, his brother in Fallujah!

*Yeah Troy, SO sorry about your 'Brother'... Sure hope he makes it home 'Safely'... But he won't be seeing any magazines from me.*

That's when I decided to end my conversation with Troy and said, "I'm really not interested, I've got my own kid getting ready for college... but hey, good luck with that trip to Holland."

Troy thanked me for my time but then added one last request. "Say, you wouldn't have something cold to drink, would you?"

*Now, let me break in here a moment and say this... I know what you're thinking, "You didn't really break down and give this smarmy character a drink, did you... DID YOU?" In my defense, I'm the type of gal who in the winter will run out with a cup of hot chocolate for the trash men or a cold soda in the summer for the mailman... I don't like to see people suffer from extremes... And while the weather was 'Anything' but extreme on Saturday, how was I to know that 'Troy' wasn't parched from all his door to door salesmanship?*

So I told him I had a Diet Pepsi and you know what the little prick said? "You got anything other than diet?"

I know, I should've slammed the door right then and there and in hindsight that's EXACTLY what I would've done but instead I said, "No, that's all I have." I certainly wasn't going to give him that last Ginger Ale in the fridge *small victory for me!*

My husband was a little miffed I gave up one of his sodas and proceeded to inform me that the 'asking for a soda thing' is a sales trick. "Even if you don't make the sale, try to walk away with Something... is an important sales technique." he said.

I just saw it as a huge victory that I wasn't roped into buying a magazine. 'Cause lord knows I've been down that road before... Or I should say, I've opened that door before.