Not Your Momma's VMA's...

Notice: If you're not an MTV fan nor did you watch last nights Video Music Awards this post may not interest you... If however, at one time you were an avid viewer of MTV, this may be right up your alley.

Okay, I'm willing to admit it... I'm a cool Mom... Yes, yes, it's true... I enjoy keeping up with the trends in video and music and much to my kids horror I try to sing and dance along to the likes of Justin Timberlake and Shakira... And believe me, trying to keep up with the likes of Shakira can leave my children gape mouthed and horrified!

So last night I had a date with the television expressly for viewing the VMA's... Mind you, I went into this figuring that this wasn't going to be anything like the golden years of MTV... No Madonna rolling on the floor in a lacey bustierre... Shocking us all... I understand that in todays world it's going to take a LOT more than that to shock everyone and I'm not sure I want to witness what it takes to shock todays viewers.

Following you will find notes that I took while watching the event unfold:

Justin Timberlake - Is he morphing into Michael Jackson... The music, The voice, The dance moves... Hey Justin, how 'bout something original? We've seen all this before!

Jack Black - I normally like this guy (School of Rock) but I'm sorry, tonight he fell flat!

James Blunt - You've GOT to be kidding me... Best Male Video??? The only explanation is the voting community is made up entirely of pre-pubescent british girls.

Black-Eyed Peas - Win for Best Hip-Hop Video - My Humps... They used to sing about making the world a better place (Where is the love)... Now their lyrics are made up of sexual innuendo... "My hump, my lovely little lump!" Nice goin' Peas... Like women aren't already sexually exploited... Now we get to listen to songs regarding our asses in ringtones.

Shakira - What's with her voice? I can't tell if she can really carry a tune or not?... But I wish I could belly dance like that!

LL Cool J & 50 Cent - It's 'Fitty... Fitty Cent'... Or is it 'Fiddy'?... Who knows, who cares?

Kelly Clarkson - Wins for Best Female Video... She's not there to accept however, because EVEN she didn't think she'd win!

Ludicrous - SO not my thing!

Jessica Simpson - Insert dumb blonde joke here ________________.

Pussycat Dolls - Win for Best Dance Video... They lost me when they sang "Don't you wish your girlfriend was Hot like me?"... That song makes me want to punch somebody!

Chris Brown - Who? And why wear a bow-tie untied that doesn't match and buddy, PULL UP YOUR PANTS!

OK-GO!!! - Gotta love the quirkiness... This is MTV Old School... If you missed their treadmill dance routine you've just gotta watch it here. I like their music a lot too! Their song 'A Million Ways to be Cruel' is great and the dance routine is too much fun!

Sean White - 'Chairman of the Board'? Huh? Who's he? I thought 'Sinatra' was 'Chairman'?... Somebody's rolling over in their grave right now!

The Guys from Jack-Ass - Do people still think this stuff is entertaining?

Paris Hilton - Of course she didn't sing! There isn't enough sound editing equipment available on a live show, nor in the world, to make her sound good... Thank heaven they didn't try!

All American Rejects - What is it with lead singers that think whining loudly is music?

Nick Lachey & Nicole Ritchey - Nick, could you at least wear a decent shirt with that jacket... Instead of a wrinkled old t-shirt?... Oh, I forgot Jessica isn't dressing you anymore.

Pink - Best Pop Video 'Stupid Girls'... Hooray, a song with a strong, positive message for young women!!... Funny that it won right after Paris and Nicole made an appearance.

Kurt Loder - Face it dude... We've all gotten a lot older since the beginning of MTV... You're right there with the rest of us... So dying your hair some gnarly shade of yellow isn't going to hide it.

Snoop Dogg - Carrying his 'crunk' juice because hey, I guess announcing an award makes a dude thirsty... how lame!

Camillionaire??? - Best Rap Video... They always lose me at this point... I have absolutely no clue unless it's a tune played on a top 40 station.

30 Seconds to Mars, Jarrod Leno & Amy Lee of Evanessence - Very EMO!

All American Rejects (again) - Best Group Video - Move Along... Whiney singer wins moon man and whines throughout acceptance speech... Big surprise!

New catagory for VMA - Ringtone of the Year - Where'd you go... Makes sense to have that playing on your cell... That is, IF you have to have something more than a simple RING to answer your phone. I'm NOT a fancy ringtone person... It's a phone, for heavens sake! I don't need to listen to music to answer a phone and I certainly don't wish to listen to the music of others while I'm around them.

Beyonce - Don't rap, just sing girl! And don't trip on that giant coat you're wearing - Dance routine obviously stolen from Janet Jackson & her Rythym Nation video... Very S&M once that coat came off or 'Cat Woman' take your pick?

Diddy - That's his name THIS week.

King & T.I. - More Rap... Hit mute button and watch to see if these guys can keep there pants from falling off... How do they do it? They must use the same tape J. Lo used to keep that dress on a few years back.

Fall Out Boy - Geeks make it big!

Panic At The Disco - Reminds me of that Net Flix commercial for Romance videos... I think the rappers in the audience are thinking, "What the _________?" And these guys can NOT pull off their music LIVE.

Avenged Sevenfold - Who? Best New Artist in a Video - Bat Country... I guess this is proof that MTV still embraces Metal.

Beyonce & Slim - Best R&B Video... I don't listen to much R&B either.

Video Vanguard Award to Hype Williams, video producer... Involves a lot more rap stuff I'm not at all familiar with... Then what looks like the cast of 'Lion King' enters the theatre and loses me completely... More rap music and cue the mute button.

Missy Elliot - She's involved in this big production for Hype Williams but she comes out wearing a giant hefty bag and I really get confused.

Sarah Silverman - One of my husbands and my favorite female comics... Is it any wonder that sarcasm is rampant in our home?

Christina Aguilera - Finally! Someone who can SING!!.... On second thought that slow sweet sort of song, not her finest work... Loved her dress though!... I think she was trying to channel Jean Harlow.

Lou Reed & Pink - Lou's still alive? Nice to see Pink looking classy!

AFI - Best Rock Video - 'Miss Murder'... Again, the rappers must be thinking, "What the _______!" That dude is wearing his mothers make-up AND eye-lashes... But he doesn't pull it off nearly as well as Dennis Rodman!"

And then... I turned off the t.v. and went to sleep BECAUSE I was disappointed that it wasn't anything like the golden years of the VMA's... I guess the old adage is true... You really can't go home again.