Monday, October 27, 2008


The boy and I have been getting along fabulously lately. We converse, we discuss, we debate topics the likes of -

"Have you eaten?" (He's 6'1", 120 something lbs. and he forgets to eat, it's an issue!)

"Yes, I'm quite sure you DO need a new laptop, have you considered that job thing we talked about?"


"I'm not sure why your sister treats you like dirt. Do you really want to drag me in the middle of that again? Don't you think it would be better to work this out with her?"

I call attention to these discussions because I have the annoying habit of ending each of them with "Right?" Sometimes I'll phrase it in other ways, such as, "Don't you think I'm right?"... "C'mon, you know I'm right!"... "You know what I mean, Right?"

Part of my current studies over the last 10 months have included Inter-Personal Relationships and the study of the Art of the Dialectic... Which is fancy talk for 'How to converse well.' It's interesting to note, that the person doing the talking, controls the conversation. Yet, the person who replies with a question regains control.

Therefore, when I'm talking with my son, with whom I'm trying to achieve an Adult/Adult relationship, as opposed to a Parent/Child relationship (see the book, 'I'm Okay, You're Okay' by, Thomas A. Harris, MD.) I simply MUST learn to refrain from trying to maintain control......


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Anonymous Christy said...

I can't help you on that one...I can be very controlling (or so I've been told) and I want to work on that myself. What I really hate about the way that I converse with my 11 year old is my tone--which lo and behold, she's mimicked to a T. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it! I need to change it! RIGHT?!

9:09 AM, October 27, 2008  
Blogger EmBee said...

Because the older she gets, the more it's gonna come back to bite you in the butt!

9:24 AM, October 27, 2008  
Blogger scargosun said...

I dunno. When I fight with P I say "Really?" a la Chandler Bing a good deal. Seems to work for me.

11:39 AM, October 27, 2008  
Blogger lime said...

these children on the brink of's not easy.

12:26 PM, October 27, 2008  
Blogger EmBee said...

Well Scargosun, "Really?" Can be construed as a method of asking the person you're conversing with to clarify what they're saying.

Now saying "Really?" a la Chandler Bing... Well, that's just sarcasm (which I adore) but it doesn't always lead the conversation toward a pleasant outcome.

12:27 PM, October 27, 2008  

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