The Waiting Room

I was inspired to tell you this story by this post from 'Chatting at the sky'... Now I may no longer be in the 'keep your kid occupied while you wait for the pediatrician' stage of my life. But I do however know the discomfort and yes, embarrassment of having to wait seemingly long hours for a doctor to enter an exam room.

Case in point:
The last time I visited my ob/gyn I sat comfortably in the waiting room to be called. I waited roughly 15 min. trying to enjoy the magazine available with the article on 'How to stay fit during Pregnancy' (3 yrs. post-hysterectomy, it wasn't necessarily a HUGE topic of interest but it was that or '6 Solutions for Stretch Marks' and believe me, that ship has already sailed and let's just say, there were no solutions.

So the nurse calls me to the back and I get my blood pressure taken and go through the horror of stepping on the scale.... "Let me put down my purse, it weighs a TON!"... "Can I take my shoes off?".... "Yes, I know they're only sandals.".... "Um, this necklace, it's pretty heavy too, but if I'm going to take that off I might as well remove my earrings."..... "Can't you just weigh me AFTER I remove my clothes?".... "Oh that's right, the only scale is out here in the hall, well someone should fix that!".... "I know, I know, let's get on with it!"

When I at last enter the exam room the nurse instructs me to remove all my clothing, put on the paper gown, "OPEN IN THE FRONT!".... You know, the 'GOWN' that's as long as a vest and covers roughly one and a half boobs? Then I'm instructed to use a folded square of paper as a 'SHEET' to cover my lower extremities.... Nice! ..... When I tug it over one half of my body, the other half becomes exposed, the same goes for when I tug it over the other half of my body. Ultimately I decide to cover the half that is closest to the exam room door, so as not to immediately flash the doctor as she enters the room.... But that won't be for some time. So I began my wait on the paper covered exam table. Damn, lot of paper in this place!

Now I'd like to add that while I still have one ovary left (post-hysterectomy), that one ovary is beginning to shrivel like a prune, so menopause is fast becoming a reality. So put me in a stuffy little room and the results can quickly become sauna like. It wasn't long before I was dripping.... And I'm sure you're all well aware of what happens when perspiration and paper meet. Yes, by the time the physician at last walked into my very own 3rd level of hell, I had paper stuck ALL OVER me. If it had been brightly colored paper I might well have been confused for a Pinata. Fortunately my physician is a female so I think she understood as I half slid, half scooted to the end of the table. All the while peeling bits and pieces of paper from my legs and backside with nervous laughter.

The only thing missing from this picture is me covered in bits of paper.