Monday, August 31, 2009

Scale FAIL

Although I'm determined to NOT turn this blog into a site chronicling my struggle with weight loss, I HAVE to take a moment to whine and whine LOUDLY!

The day I decided to 'Slim Down' if you will, I went directly to Kohl's to purchase a new bathroom scale. I wanted just a standard old fashioned scale as the one I was replacing was digital and worked for about oh, 2 minutes. You see, it sat directly below the towel bar and when I inadvertently hung my bathing suit to dry directly over the scale, the resulting water accumulation landed directly on the scale and apparently fried it's circuits.

Anywho, seems your standard bathroom sc
ales aren't as available as they once were and all they had at Kohl's were various brands of the digital variety. Sure, I could've ordered a scale online but that would mean waiting to verify a starting weight. You see, I need to be able to chart progress. Oh sure, I could just wait to feel my clothes becoming looser or perhaps hang in there until someone throws a compliment my way... But I'm an instant gratification kind of gal. Which of course, is obvious, or I wouldn't be in this diet predicament to begin with. So, I purchase this scale by 'HealthoMeter'
bring it home, immediately weigh myself and offer up a prayer of thanks that at least I'm not at the heaviest I've ever been BUT there's still a world of improvement to be made.

I continue weighing myself morning and night for an entire week, noting my progress and am thrilled to see I've reached a 6 lb. loss after 9 days. 9 DAYS!!! 6 LBS!!! This is FAN-FREAKING-TASTIC!!! At this rate, by this time next year, I could be super model material (hey, I can dream can't I?) All right, I can be at the very least, no longer shopping in the plus size section.

Have I mentioned how much I HATE the plus size section? They always put it right next to the petite section, in EVERY SINGLE STORE!!! This means that if you're a plus size gal and you see something cute on that rack a few feet to your right, when you pick it up and look at the tag you realize you've stepped into petite world and feel as though every eye is upon you saying, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?" "IT WOULD TAKE MORE THAN A SHOE HORN TO GET YOU INTO ANY OF THESE OUTFITS!" "GET BACK ON YOUR OWN SIDE, LARGE WOMAN!"

So back to my 'Home-Medic' brand scale story. On Friday I walked, and all was well with the world. I'd lost 6 lbs. and I was feelin' like a goddess, or at least 6 lbs. thinner... Until that night!

My daughter had taken a shower and came downstairs and said, "I don't know about that new scale of yours, I stepped on it once and it gave me one reading and then I stepped on it again and it gave me another." I said, "Perhaps you had it sitting on the tile catawhompas?" She said, "What the heck is catawhompas? But yes, I made sure I had it leveled on the tile floor." So later, I went to check the damn thing out for myself and sure enough, I stepped on it once and it gave me one weight (you didn't honestly think I was going to share that weight HERE did you?) and then I stepped on it again and it gave me another weight 2 lbs. and 4 oz. HIGHER!!! What the Hell? So I spent the next 10 minutes shuffling that damn scale all over the bathroom floor, weighing and re-weighing myself. I'd get the same reading 4-5-6 times in a row and then, sitting in the same exact spot, it would shift again and give me a different reading, sometimes less, sometimes more.

........And then I wanted to go eat a large bowl of ice cream. Hello 'HealthoMeter'?... You FAIL!

I can't even explain what that damn scale has done for my psyche these last couple of days. I feel like that guy who lost to Michael Phelps by 1/100th of a second. You know, thinking you've won it big but then.... Okay, I know that's a completely unfair comparison but you get the gist.

So after weighing myself repeatedly on Saturday and getting readings that fluctuated between 3 and 5 lbs... I decided yesterday to NEVER step foot on that damn scale AGAIN! There's $40 down the drain.

HOWEVER, I walked again today and my mood is brighter again. I'll let you know when the clothes start getting loose or someone says, "Wow you look great! Did you lose weight?"
Til then, I'll try to stop blogging about weight loss.

Here's My Kick-Ass Shuffle Tune of the Day:

This song might be a little heavy for some of you but I'm dedicating this one to Chris... It's a song he might be able to admit listening to and not catch any crap from his boys. I have to admit, this is a tune you gotta double time to or else it's too slow, but when I hear, "Now get in the pit and try to love someone" it just makes me feel like hugging a stranger... Which I would never do because the folks at the walking park are already keen on keeping their distance from that crazy woman madly stomping her way around the path.

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Blogger Katy said...

I complained about home scales to my doc once and he said that I could stop by and use their scale anytime so I'd have a "true" reading.

NOT! I prefer to live in blissful ignorance. ;)

11:11 AM, August 31, 2009  
Blogger EmBee said...

Katy, the only time my doctor wants to see me is when I have a scheduled appointment and even then she doesn't seem all that thrilled... I really need to find a new family doctor.

And yes, blissful ignorance is well, blissful unless you want to see if you're making progress... Rather than denying yourself delicious food and walking your ass off for no reason.

7:54 PM, August 31, 2009  
Blogger lime said...

how utterly maddening.

and may i say, when i was visitng frineds this weekend i learned i outweigh quite significantly the husband....a skinny stick of a man who can down 80 chicken wings in a sitting...and stay skinny. it ain't right.

10:31 PM, August 31, 2009  
Blogger Chris said...

Ok I am an evil person. Most of my office is doing a "Biggest Loser" pool where they all put in $$$ to a pool and whoever loses the most weight (body fat, % not sure how they are figuring) gets the $$$. So they leave the scale in the break room. I mentioned to my HR person, "How bad would it be if each week you and I start messing with the scale calibration, adding 1 lb per week?" :)

And the only time I've seen Bawitdaba performed was actually by Bette Middler, it was hilarious.

8:35 PM, September 01, 2009  
Blogger EmBee said...

Lime, It aint right, indeed! Though my once skinny, stick of a man, is filling out a bit with age. Shhhhh, don't let him know I said that.

Chris, Pure Eeeevil, but the prankster in me is completely in love with the idea.

Bette Midler? Bawitaba? No WAY? Is this on YouTube somewhere?

8:38 AM, September 02, 2009  

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