Scale FAIL

Although I'm determined to NOT turn this blog into a site chronicling my struggle with weight loss, I HAVE to take a moment to whine and whine LOUDLY!

The day I decided to 'Slim Down' if you will, I went directly to Kohl's to purchase a new bathroom scale. I wanted just a standard old fashioned scale as the one I was replacing was digital and worked for about oh, 2 minutes. You see, it sat directly below the towel bar and when I inadvertently hung my bathing suit to dry directly over the scale, the resulting water accumulation landed directly on the scale and apparently fried it's circuits.

Anywho, seems your standard bathroom scales aren't as available as they once were and all they had at Kohl's were various brands of the digital variety. Sure, I could've ordered a scale online but that would mean waiting to verify a starting weight. You see, I need to be able to chart progress. Oh sure, I could just wait to feel my clothes becoming looser or perhaps hang in there until someone throws a compliment my way... But I'm an instant gratification kind of gal. Which of course, is obvious, or I wouldn't be in this diet predicament to begin with. So, I purchase this scale by 'HealthoMeter'
bring it home, immediately weigh myself and offer up a prayer of thanks that at least I'm not at the heaviest I've ever been BUT there's still a world of improvement to be made.

I continue weighing myself morning and night for an entire week, noting my progress and am thrilled to see I've reached a 6 lb. loss after 9 days. 9 DAYS!!! 6 LBS!!! This is FAN-FREAKING-TASTIC!!! At this rate, by this time next year, I could be super model material (hey, I can dream can't I?) All right, I can be at the very least, no longer shopping in the plus size section.

Have I mentioned how much I HATE the plus size section? They always put it right next to the petite section, in EVERY SINGLE STORE!!! This means that if you're a plus size gal and you see something cute on that rack a few feet to your right, when you pick it up and look at the tag you realize you've stepped into petite world and feel as though every eye is upon you saying, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?" "IT WOULD TAKE MORE THAN A SHOE HORN TO GET YOU INTO ANY OF THESE OUTFITS!" "GET BACK ON YOUR OWN SIDE, LARGE WOMAN!"

So back to my 'Home-Medic' brand scale story. On Friday I walked, and all was well with the world. I'd lost 6 lbs. and I was feelin' like a goddess, or at least 6 lbs. thinner... Until that night!

My daughter had taken a shower and came downstairs and said, "I don't know about that new scale of yours, I stepped on it once and it gave me one reading and then I stepped on it again and it gave me another." I said, "Perhaps you had it sitting on the tile catawhompas?" She said, "What the heck is catawhompas? But yes, I made sure I had it leveled on the tile floor." So later, I went to check the damn thing out for myself and sure enough, I stepped on it once and it gave me one weight (you didn't honestly think I was going to share that weight HERE did you?) and then I stepped on it again and it gave me another weight 2 lbs. and 4 oz. HIGHER!!! What the Hell? So I spent the next 10 minutes shuffling that damn scale all over the bathroom floor, weighing and re-weighing myself. I'd get the same reading 4-5-6 times in a row and then, sitting in the same exact spot, it would shift again and give me a different reading, sometimes less, sometimes more.

........And then I wanted to go eat a large bowl of ice cream. Hello 'HealthoMeter'?... You FAIL!

I can't even explain what that damn scale has done for my psyche these last couple of days. I feel like that guy who lost to Michael Phelps by 1/100th of a second. You know, thinking you've won it big but then.... Okay, I know that's a completely unfair comparison but you get the gist.

So after weighing myself repeatedly on Saturday and getting readings that fluctuated between 3 and 5 lbs... I decided yesterday to NEVER step foot on that damn scale AGAIN! There's $40 down the drain.

HOWEVER, I walked again today and my mood is brighter again. I'll let you know when the clothes start getting loose or someone says, "Wow you look great! Did you lose weight?" Til then, I'll try to stop blogging about weight loss.

Here's My Kick-Ass Shuffle Tune of the Day:
This song might be a little heavy for some of you but I'm dedicating this one to Chris... It's a song he might be able to admit listening to and not catch any crap from his boys. I have to admit, this is a tune you gotta double time to or else it's too slow, but when I hear, "Now get in the pit and try to love someone" it just makes me feel like hugging a stranger... Which I would never do because the folks at the walking park are already keen on keeping their distance from that crazy woman madly stomping her way around the path.

The Vindictive Kitchen Lady

A few weeks ago my friend and I were searching through household items on Craigslist. We happened upon a listing in which a woman was hocking her kitchen, everything... the stove, the fridge, the cabinets, even the kitchen sink. Why? Because she was going to gut her entire kitchen before the bank repossessed her house. My friend said, "Good for her!"

HUH? WHAT? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

What in gods name is GOOD about that situation?

I understand people are sore, frustrated and angry about the economic situation but seriously, is this the banks fault? Well, yeah maybe it's there fault to provide a loan to someone who couldn't follow through with the payments but c'mon.

Who ultimately pays the price for such vindictiveness? The bank? No, they'll just raise fees or when some honest Joe tries to apply for a loan he'll be turned down. Who else pays? Jim & Sally Homeowner, who live in the same neighborhood as 'Vindictive Kitchen Lady' because repossessed, gutted houses, tend to lower property values and turn once pleasant neighborhoods into squalor. But that's okay, Jim & Sally will continue to work hard to maintain their little parcel of the American Dream.

So, Gutting a kitchen and selling it off... Payback or Stealing?
What do you think?

A 'Shuffle' To The Dark Side

Seeing people with wires hanging from their ears, completely oblivious to the world around them has always annoyed the hell out of me. It's like they're saying, "The world holds no interest for me, you don't matter, the only important thing is this noise filling my head."

Seems EVERYONE is addicted to their ipod...


Then, on Saturday, while my husband, son and I were out shopping for a new printer, my son offered to buy me an ipod... Seriously? YES! Even HE, doesn't own an ipod but he wanted to buy ME one. "As a late Christmas gift" he said. "Really, Why?" I asked. "Because I think you might like it for when you walk." he said. "Yeah, that might be nice." I sighed, completely denying the voice in my head telling me I'd become on of the 'peevers.' "So, let me buy one for you." he said......... And he DID!

When I came home with my new purchase and showed my daughter she was all, "You swore you would never be one of those people. You always told me if you were going out for a walk, you wanted to enjoy the sights and SOUNDS of the nature around you." She practically spat the words at me like she was my mother or something. I stammered back at her because I really didn't have a good reply, "Um, well, I changed my mind. I think it might be nice to listen to music when I walk. (Complete role reversal? Um, yeah!)

"So, do I think it's a bad idea to listen to an ipod while walking?.... NOT ANYMORE BABY!

I walked 2 miles today and I could've done 3 more (time constraints.) I was pumping away to the music filling my head and I was totally in the zone! To hell with nature when the pounding beat of 'Fall Out Boy's - Folie A Deaux' is keeping me moving (yeah, I'm a 44 yr. old 'Fall Out Boy' fan, what of it?)

I promised I would not wear this thing around family members and take the risk of shutting myself off from others but seriously, it is addictive to have the sound of your favorite music filling your head. I am so in LOVE with my gift.

Take me dark side... I'm all yours!

Let There Be Light

Today my daughter had 4 teeth pulled... Four Adult teeth pulled... Not wisdom teeth, first molars. Her orthodontist has been trying to straighten her teeth for a year now but there's just not enought room in her mouth to make that happen. It seems we, as a race continue to develop a mouth full of large teeth, while our pallets our shrinking... Who knows, maybe our entire heads our shrinking due to the effects of the dumbing down of modern day society... Case in point: T.V. shows like Paris Hilton's search for a new BFF or that WTF show 'Jackass'... Hey, it's Evolution folks!

Wait, did I just suggest that my daughter had to have teeth pulled because she's part of the dumbing down of society? No, that's not true, she's never watched an episode of Jackass or Paris's show. Oh, forget it, now I'm just rambling.

Anyway, between changing out blood and saliva soaked gauze pads, what I really wanted to talk about today is Christmas lights. I LOVE lights. Ever since I was a little girl and my dad would take me to Disneyland*, I would dream of the day I could cover my own trees in tiny white lights, especially lights that twinkle!

Last year I blogged about our pre-lit Christmas tree and how the lights upon it were giving up the ghost. We'd had the tree for 7 yrs. and it was a good run but what fun is a tree which has half the lights dead. Sure you can put other strands on top of the dead lights BUT dead lights on a tree aren't hard to miss and to me they seem to scream 'Pathetic Christmas Loser.'

So, a couple of weeks ago the family, excluding myself, sat around our tree for over 3 solid hours removing all of the lights. Now this may seem like it should be an easy task, but 3 HOURS folks! There were literally thousands of little clips on the tree, securing the lights in such a fashion that a tornado wouldn't be able to rip them off. Though fingers were nearly bloody stumps at the end of the process of denuding the tree, everyone was pleased that we'd saved ourselves at least a $150 for not having to purchase a new tree and did you know that non-pre-lit trees are almost impossible to find?

So, with our 7 yr. old tree now free of dead lights we went to the store and purchased my favorite lighting option, white twinkle lights. Now before I go on here, I'd like to share a memory. Growing up in the 70's I remember helping to decorate the family tree. It wasn't pre-lit, there was a box full of limbs, each limb had a color on it's wire tip which you inserted to a matching colored hole on the trunk, then you spread the branches uniformly. It was a tedious process.

Now the lights, the lights were, in a word, UGLY things. They were the size of door knobs and had every color of the rainbow... Red, Yellow, Blue, Green, Hot Pink (yes, hot pink!), Aqua, Orange, etc. But I'll tell you what, thos UGLY lights worked year after year after year. Sure maybe you had to replace a doorknob size bulb every once in a while, but I sure don't recall my parents rushing out to buy new sets of lights every year.

Which leads me to my lovely twinkle lights.... Half of them are dead! Yes, our Christmas tree is currently half-lit... And if another strand of lights goes, that's exactly what I'm going to do... Get myself half-lit... Because then my eyes will blur and the tree might appear brighter and even if it doesn't, I won't really care.

Oh, and don't EVEN get me started on the lights in the garland on the banister. Grrrrrrrr! Freakin' cheap-ass Christmas lighting.



*For those who might never have been to Disneyland, at night, the trees light up with thousands of white twinkle lights, making the atmosphere even more magical. Disneyland at night, with my dad, is a treasured memory.

Um, I think you've got the wrong number.

The other night my cell phone rang, while I was visiting with our dinner guests. I answered the phone and this is what I heard:

"Mi shi, konnichi wa.... Ogenki desu ka?"

Every time I tried to ask a question the replies sounded something like this:


and this:


and eventually this:


I asked:
"I think you have the wrong number, what number are you trying to reach?"

At last I heard something I DID understand:
"So sorry, don't speak English."

To which I responded with this helpful phrase:
"Oh, That's okay!"

After I hung up, I looked at the number calling in... It looked something like this:
#862061282611

I've had wrong numbers call in before but that's what I call REALLY long distance.