Monday, September 27, 2010

Smells Like BBQ!

Big day today folks!

I got my braces off... But like most things in my life, it's rather anti-climatic. You see, I imagine things in my head to be so much more wonderful then they actually turn out to be... Bummer right?

So yeah, the whole removing of the braces was rather uncomfortable... It's kind of like having each tooth put in a vice in order to pry off the tiny adhered bracket... The technician clamps it, then pulls And then SNAP! Your tooth vibrates for a while with the force. After the removal of the brackets a Dremmel like object is used to sand off the excess bracket glue. I've never had the pleasure of a root canal but at times, it kinda feels like their sanding the root of your tooth off... Hmmm, fun!

Oh, and somewhere in the midst of the removal, a permanent wire was placed behind my bottom teeth... An interesting fete of engineering which involved floss to hold it in place and an extra pair of hands. And now I feel like I've got this big bulky sand papery thing in the bottom of my mouth that my tongue just can't seem to leave alone. *damn tongue*

So I saw my teeth briefly before 'IT' happened...

You see, I have (not very surprisingly) THICK GUMS!!! And why not, I mean everything else about me is THICK! So my orthodontist recommended I have some of my gum tissue removed, for cosmetic purposes. And because I AM that vane, I said, "Go for it!" Because I mean, why go through a year and a half of orthodontia only to have people notice your gums instead of your teeth?

So after my braces came off I had 'Laser Gum Surgery'... This procedure involves having your gums painted with a numbing gel and then having them shaved back with a laser. It's like Star Wars meets......... Well, if I could think of a famous dentist I would... But I can't. Anywho, while the laser is burning away the gum tissue, there's a smell that begins to fill your nostrils and I can only describe it as BBQ... But it's BBQ without the seasonings and sauce and the funkiest kind of meat you can imagine. Trouble is, now (3 hours later) I just can't seem to get that smell out of my sinuses and no matter what I eat or how many times I brush my teeth, my mouth still tastes like death.*

As for appearance... I won't even show my husband what my newly unclad orthodontia looks like because my gums are so hideously grotesque! Imagine if you will, allowing your dental hygienist clean your teeth with a X-acto knife instead of that metal pick she normally uses. The doctor says it should clear up in a few days, so until then, I'm the sullen looking gal over there in the corner.

*I tell you all these things dear Internet, because I couldn't find ANY description of the procedure ANYWHERE when I went looking for it. So if YOU happened upon this blog because you were searching 'Laser Gum Surgery' for more information... There you go and You're Welcome!

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Wednesday, September 22, 2010

The Boomerang Story

So we were at the beach last week and the resident teens allowed me to sit in on their pow-wow... They were playing the 'psychic' game (trying to guess what playing card the other person was holding from the deck of 52, yeah... it was rainy, they were bored!) Anyway, Chloe guessed the card on the first try, quite by accident I might add. So that's when I told her, "Pack up your briefcase and go home!" Not literally of course, because that would be mean but she looked at me quizzically and said, "Huh?"

So I told her the boomerang story, which I'll share with you now... And who knows, maybe YOU'LL have a brand new euphemism!

True Story:
My husband and my father-in-law used to design and build their own boomerangs. And on a side note, their picture once hung in the Smithsonian Museum of Air & Space in Washington D.C.... Really! I kid you not... Of course the picture had like a hundred other people in it because it was taken at a boomerang throwing competition on the Mall in D.C. (I know we're such geeks, keep it to yourself though.)

Anywho, they (husband and his dad) got really good at throwing boomerangs. By good I mean, they could throw them out a good long distance and they would come back relatively near to where they were standing when they threw them. Hey, it's not as easy as you might think.

Well, my father-in-law would tell his co-workers about the boomerangs he was creating and they kept hounding him to bring one in to work sometime and give them a demonstration. So one day 'Dad' showed up with a boomerang in his briefcase. At the end of the business day he led a group of men out to the large field alongside the building where they worked. You can just imagine the men eager with anticipation to see this handmade item, hewed out of Lexan, in Ol' Jerry's basement, actually take flight. So Dad set his briefcase on the grass, carefully lifted the lid and withdrew his mighty handmade boomerang. Without saying a word he drew back his arm and flung the boomerang into the air with all he had. The boomerang whizzed through the air in a high arc, spinning in circles as it made its way around the field. And then, something magical happened... The boomerang came back to the spot where Dad's briefcase lay open on the grass. It hung in the air spinning for a brief moment and then dropped squarely into the briefcase, the centrifugal force left within it, just strong enough to bring the lid of the briefcase down on top of it.

Dad's co-workers were agog! They'd never seen anything like it and Dad, knowing they'd never see anything like it EVER again, because even HE didn't believe it... Without a word, closed up his briefcase and went home.

The Teens loved hearing this tale and I think the retelling of it even made me cool among them for a while.

So the other night my son and I were watching a movie together. In the movie, one of the characters carries in a box of 'Krispy Kreme' donuts. Now there are few things in life my son loves more than Krispy Kreme... His computer maybe, but that's about it. But I digress... Anyway, he turns to me with drool dripping off his lower lip and says, "Oh man how I wish I had some Krispy Kreme donuts right now." Unbeknownst to him, I had purchased some KKD's the day before for an event at the shop. And yes, there were a few left over which I had brought home. So I looked at him and said, "They're over there on the counter." Just the fact that there were donuts on the counter at all was a minor miracle but the fact that they were Krispy Kreme's was in fact equivalent to the parting of the red sea because I just don't buy KKD's on any kind of a regular basis.

So my son sees the box... Looks at me with a smile bigger than the whole outdoors and says, "No Way!!!... Pack up your briefcase and go home!"

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