Holding Pattern

This week has been so completely non-descript. I could go into some emotional turmoil but I'd rather discuss our daily family events then dredge up a whole pot of steaming crap!

So quite simply our family is in a holding pattern. The kids don't start back to school until next Tuesday... And while it may seem completely unheard of, we'll be heading out for our annual beach vacation next Saturday. I know, you're thinking, "WAIT! How could you pull your kids out of school barely a week into the new year?" They go to The New School, remember? A place where they don't sit behind desks and aren't given written tests to go over subjects they might have missed. Yes, their school is challenging but they encourage 'family time' and 'experiences' outside of school. It's a huge benefit for us, as the rental price on the beach house drops substantially after Labor Day. It's also a wonderful opportunity for the family to bond as Grandma will be there and Aunt Pat, along with friends staying and dropping in throughout the week. There will be beach walks, sunrises to watch, kite flying, swimming (if it isn't freezing), family cards games to play, poker, laying around reading books, shopping, cooking together and just general bonding. 5 days after we return from vacation I'll be heading out on my own personal get-away to visit 'Atlanta Rose' to celebrate her 50th and enjoy some serious 'Girl Time.'

So back to our 'holding pattern.' We know there's a whole lot of busy-ness and FUN, just around the corner and like the Olympic Relay Runner, we're just sort of jumping around in place waiting for that baton to come into view. It's exciting but it's also quite boring at the moment. Sure, I could go off to America's favorite box store and start stocking up on paper goods and snack items for vacation but I stand firmly mired in my outstanding abilities to procrastinate.

Maybe I'm just enjoying these quiet moments at home. However, I have the distinct feeling we should be doing SOMETHING, ANYTHING before school starts. We thought about going to see a movie together but 'The House Bunny' looked like our only viable option... And while 'Bunny' might well be a fun 'romp' it's probably not worth the money in tickets and popcorn and let's be honest, what sort of redeeming value are my kids going to come away with for having seen it.

So we wait... It's Friday, we do have a few things scheduled for the weekend... I think I see the runner coming around the turn and there's a baton in her hand... It won't be long now before our race begins!

Did you ever?

Did you ever have a dream where you wanted to visit someone so badly, you thought to yourself, "Well, why don't I just hop in the car and drive over there, I mean they're just across town, why haven't I thought of this sooner?"

And then you wake up and realize they don't live just across town anymore. In fact you now live thousands of miles apart and that's why it's been so long since you've seen them.

That dream REALLY SUCKS!

Grandma

When I hear the word Grandma I think of a little woman, soft chin length gray hair held back with two bobby pins, not fat, just plump in all the right places to allow for the most pleasing hugs. Her back is bent from years of hard work and calcium worn bones, but her face is that of an angel, soft cheeks, warm eyes that crinkle when she smiles and twinkle even when she tries to be stern.

My Paternal Grandmother raised me from the age 3 until my dad remarried when I was 7. She was well into her 60's when she took on the duties of motherhood again and I wish she were alive today so I could tell her how grateful I am for making those years so special for me. In the morning we would watch 'Romper Room' together. I would help in the garden as she took time to help me memorize the names of the flowers ('Morning Glories' always being my favorite, because of their name and their large, bright blue faces.) Together we named the 'horned (horny) toads' who lived under the garden hose. For lunch I would eat the world's best peanut butter & jelly sandwiches (no one will ever make them as delicious as my Grandma!) I remember playing post-office and banker under the kitchen table, scribbling on canceled checks and old envelopes. I would feed them back out to her through the rungs of the chairs, as she worked in the kitchen, doing laundry or preparing dinner. Afternoon meant quiet time while Grandma watched her show. 'General Hospital' was the only vice I ever knew my grandma to possess. Dinner usually consisted of roast or some sort of beef and I would help make the salad, which was more often than not a pear half, on a bib of lettuce, with a maraschino cherry tucked in the middle. My favorite dessert was often a mixture of cottage cheese & apple sauce.

When I started Kindergarten, Grandma would walk me the 3 1/2 blocks to school and be there in the afternoon to pick me up. She never learned to drive, but rain or shine she would be there waiting for me and ready to hear about my day. She didn't talk a lot but she listened carefully to everything I had to say.

By the time I was in 1st grade, I was old enough to walk to and from school on my own (this was many, many, years ago when the streets were safe for little kids.) I remember quite clearly the day one of my classmates brought polliwogs (tadpoles) for show n' tell. At the end of the day my teacher put them into dixie-cups and handed them out to the students as we waited in line. Some of the kids pushed and shoved and were scolded for not waiting patiently. Always the people pleaser, I waited near the end of the line for my very own polliwog. I was so excited to take him home and raise him into my very own little frog. However, by the time I reached the front of the line the dixie-cups had run out. I didn't care, I cupped my hand and waited as my teacher placed the treasure there along with a small puddle of water.

The walk home was longer than I ever remembered it being. I hurried as best I could, trying not to spill any of the water but really not succeeding. Eventually I took to spitting on the poor thing, not knowing this would likely hasten his demise. When I got home I ran into the house frantic for a glass of water for my little friend. My grandma must have been terribly confused by my tearful explanation but she grabbed a glass, quickly filled it with water and together we watched as the little polliwog lay perfectly still and sank to the bottom of the glass. We waited there a long time before my grandma explained that my little 'pet' had died. I don't remember the exact conversation we had about death but I do remember going out to the garden. My grandma allowing me to choose exactly where I wanted to bury my little friend. I chose a spot by the geraniums which were in full bloom at the time. My grandma dug a little hole with the trowel and together we said our goodbyes. I cried a little bit more, wondered about the mysteries of it all, but as little kids do, I moved on rather quickly. I never forgot it though. I'll always remember how tender and caring my grandma was about the whole event. My own mother might have laughed at me for being so silly. My step-mother would've certainly berated me for being upset over something so small. I guess that's why it's all the more meaningful.

I hope to be a Grandma someday. I hope my hair will be soft and gray, I plan to wear it back in bobby pins. I might wear bobby sox with a pair of mary janes. I'll probably wear a house dress and carry a dish towel over my left shoulder. I hope my cheeks are like soft apples and my eyes crinkle when I smile and twinkle even when I'm stern. I hope I'm patient and kind. I hope I don't talk too much but listen a lot... And I hope I make the world's best peanut butter & jelly sandwiches.

Miss you Grandma.

The Waiting Room

I was inspired to tell you this story by this post from 'Chatting at the sky'... Now I may no longer be in the 'keep your kid occupied while you wait for the pediatrician' stage of my life. But I do however know the discomfort and yes, embarrassment of having to wait seemingly long hours for a doctor to enter an exam room.

Case in point:
The last time I visited my ob/gyn I sat comfortably in the waiting room to be called. I waited roughly 15 min. trying to enjoy the magazine available with the article on 'How to stay fit during Pregnancy' (3 yrs. post-hysterectomy, it wasn't necessarily a HUGE topic of interest but it was that or '6 Solutions for Stretch Marks' and believe me, that ship has already sailed and let's just say, there were no solutions.

So the nurse calls me to the back and I get my blood pressure taken and go through the horror of stepping on the scale.... "Let me put down my purse, it weighs a TON!"... "Can I take my shoes off?".... "Yes, I know they're only sandals.".... "Um, this necklace, it's pretty heavy too, but if I'm going to take that off I might as well remove my earrings."..... "Can't you just weigh me AFTER I remove my clothes?".... "Oh that's right, the only scale is out here in the hall, well someone should fix that!".... "I know, I know, let's get on with it!"

When I at last enter the exam room the nurse instructs me to remove all my clothing, put on the paper gown, "OPEN IN THE FRONT!".... You know, the 'GOWN' that's as long as a vest and covers roughly one and a half boobs? Then I'm instructed to use a folded square of paper as a 'SHEET' to cover my lower extremities.... Nice! ..... When I tug it over one half of my body, the other half becomes exposed, the same goes for when I tug it over the other half of my body. Ultimately I decide to cover the half that is closest to the exam room door, so as not to immediately flash the doctor as she enters the room.... But that won't be for some time. So I began my wait on the paper covered exam table. Damn, lot of paper in this place!

Now I'd like to add that while I still have one ovary left (post-hysterectomy), that one ovary is beginning to shrivel like a prune, so menopause is fast becoming a reality. So put me in a stuffy little room and the results can quickly become sauna like. It wasn't long before I was dripping.... And I'm sure you're all well aware of what happens when perspiration and paper meet. Yes, by the time the physician at last walked into my very own 3rd level of hell, I had paper stuck ALL OVER me. If it had been brightly colored paper I might well have been confused for a Pinata. Fortunately my physician is a female so I think she understood as I half slid, half scooted to the end of the table. All the while peeling bits and pieces of paper from my legs and backside with nervous laughter.

The only thing missing from this picture is me covered in bits of paper.

Embarrassing Moment #???... What am I up to now?

This afternoon my daughter and I made a trip to Jo-Ann Fabrics... In order to, you know, to get our Craft on!

As we walked through the store my daughter came down with a raging case of the hiccups... Hiccups SO powerful that when she both hiccuped and laughed at the same time, she sounded like a wounded water buffalo. Of course I took the opportunity to tease her by saying, "I'll just stand over here because you are totally embarrassing me!" I mean why not, that's what she's always saying to me. Especially during the times when the music pouring out of a stores sound system makes me want to bust a move.

So, back to my story.... There came a point during our shopping expedition in which I really needed to make a pit stop. In the, I just ate a McDonald's burger, fries and shake kind of way (not that I had but you probably know what I mean.) So I informed my daughter that I needed to hit the restroom, Pronto! She answered that she had to go also. So I hightailed it towards the Ladies Room with my daughter in pursuit. After I made it to the stall and sat down I heard my daughter enter and take the remaining stall. Since I had arrived first I went straight for the spacious Handicapped stall, leaving my daughter with the narrow one. Because we're always competing with one another I said aloud to her, "Ha, ha-ha-ha (note sign songy voice), I got the big stall!"... She didn't answer so I said, "You may make disgusting noises but I'm going to stink up the place."... Still no answer. That's when I looked down at the feet of the person in the stall next to me and thought to myself... "Sarah's not wearing tennis-shoes?" The voice in my head got a little higher when it said, "She wasn't wearing pants either?" The voice in my head went up another octave and in a bare whisper said to me, "That's not Sarah!",,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,




That's when I began to engage in a little foot shuffle while I sat there on the toilet. I thought, maybe if this stranger thinks there's someone else in this stall with me... Who I could've very well been talking to... Well, then maybe she won't be freaked out and therefore I needn't feel nearly as embarrassed... I don't think the foot shuffle fooled anyone. So instead I went with Plan B... Sit quietly, pretend I never said a word and wait until closing time to come out of the bathroom. Seeing as it was 3:30 in the afternoon, I knew that wasn't going to be an option so I waited until she was long gone and then squeaked out in a soft voice, "Sarah?"......................................



No answer.............................................


When I at last exited the bathroom there was my daughter standing dutifully beside our cart. And you know what she said? She said, "We're you talking to someone in there?"

A Thank-You and a Little Laugh

First a heartfelt thanks to all my new friends from SITS. I'm overwhelmed by all the comments... SERIOUSLY, Overwhelmed! I want to sit down with each of you, have a long chat, really take some time to get to know one another and share some laughs. Since that's quite impossible, the best I can do is take some time to carefully acknowledge each of your comments, visit your blogs and get to know you through your shared stories. There are a LOT of comments so this could take me a while, but I'll get there and enjoy every moment of it!

Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and your time!

Another jab at the Fast Food industry. I share these jokes like I'm somehow above eating this stuff but I cannot tell a lie, I'd sell my first born for McDonald's French Fries Super-Sized ANYTIME!

While watching the 'Wendy's Baconater' commercial.

Husband: "The Wendy's Baconater, yours Free with a set of cardiac paddles... Because NOTHING sounds more delicious than... CLEAR!"

Just a side note here... What is it about Olympics coverage that makes the fast food industry think selling a 'Heart attack on a bun' is a good idea?

Olympic Time

Welcome SITS friends, to my little corner of the blog o' sphere. I'm very excited to be selected as today's featured blogger. I look forward to sharing a chuckle or a perhaps an emotional connection in which you might say to yourself, "Are you kidding me, I look at the world in the same twisted way!" I know I've had that feeling reading your blogs and am continually amazed over all the things, we perfect strangers have in common.

4 years
2 1/2 weeks
An Hour
A Minute
A Second
A 10th of a Second
A 100th of a Second

All those years, all those weeks, all those hours devoted to being the best... A humbling thought that it all comes down to a minuscule increment of Time.

Tremendously humbling.

*I promise to keep the Olympic posts to a minimum but tonight I am so moved by all I've witnessed. From the devastatingly loss for Lolo Jones to the spectacular win by Shawn Johnson. I admit it, I'm an Olympic junkie.

Know It All

I enjoyed a long conversation over the phone with my sister yesterday. We don't get to indulge in those very often due to the 3 hour time difference and the fact she has two little people who keep her on the run. I was in the middle of cleaning bathrooms when the phone rang and her call was the perfect excuse to take a break from scouring my shower.

Midway through all of the catching up, our conversation took an interesting turn. We were talking about our kids, her 22 yr. old daughter and my 18 yr. old son (yes, she has a 22 yr. old, a 6 yr. old AND a 2 yr. old... I know, YIKES!) . We were agreeing on how no matter what we tell our kids, they seem to believe they KNOW everything! It's a universal fact. When you're that age, everyone else is an idiot and, quite simply, your not! My sister and I began reminiscing about ourselves at that age. Mostly we were just struggling to survive in a volatile environment and we never considered uttering a word of disagreement for fear of physical retribution BUT, we still managed to believe in our hearts we KNEW everything!

So, I got to thinking to myself... Now that I really DO know everything (Ha! that's a lie, part of being a mature adult is being able to admit you know Nothing, which is STILL roughly 97% more than your young adult offspring.) I should make a list of things I wish I knew then, that I know now. So the following is what I was able to come up with...

Things I Know Now, I WISH I Knew Then:

• Self Confidence will help you weather the slings and arrows of Jr. High & High School.
• Really take time to LEARN the things you're being taught in school, rather than just doing enough to 'get by'... Knowledge is Power!
• Think about your future and make plans to do something with it.
  
• Be outgoing and friendly with Everyone at school, not just those in your 'social circle.'
• P.E. doesn't really suck. Maybe if you invest a little energy in it, you'll set a precedent for your future physical health.
• Be proud of the figure you have, you're not going to have it forever.
• That guy Chuck that you think is so amazingly cute, when he whistles at you, don't be shy, go over and talk to him.
• Don't wish your life away waiting for the next Great moment.
• When at 17, you meet that guy, who at first sight you think is a total dork... Be nice, he's going to be your husband.
• That woman that has made your world a living hell since the day she married your dad... The day is going to come when she won't matter ANY MORE and she'll no longer have any power over you.
  

There are so many other items and moments that come to mind. But I think I hit on the most important things... Self-Esteem, Education, Self Awareness, A Friendly Nature, Live In The Moment but also know when things are going horribly... This Too Shall Pass.

I've tried to TELL my kids these things but they'll be in their 40's before they really know them to be true.

Armchair Ponderings

A few random thoughts come to mind when I'm watching the Olympics:

• Look at the muscles on those men!
• Look at the muscles on those women?!
• How do they DO that?
• That is AMAZING?
• I'm tired from just WATCHING this competition!
• How can I get one of these specimens of strength & endurance to landscape my yard?

Have I told you how much I hate clay?

I've spent the last few days trying to improve the look of my front yard... Well, I should add my daughter has played an immense part in the process. In fact, if it were up to me I'd probably put a pot of mums on the porch and be done with it, that would include forgetting the water the damn things. 'Nature Girl' on the other hand has grandiose plans to turn our humble front yard into an arboretum of National proportions. Money and experience withstanding, I'm just hoping the havoc we have brought upon this little slice of Maryland, won't give our home a post holocaust appearance.

Monday we played Terminator on the ugly bush/tree that obscures our front porch the majority of season. We also bade a fond farewell to three scraggly azaleas and bushwhacked some hostas which were having a bad year.

I know, it all sounds so simple doesn't it? EASY, like digging the Panama Canal with a teaspoon!!!
You see, we don't have soil... Soil? What's Soil?... We have clay!... Ground so hard and compact it's like trying to dig up solid rock... Oh, and we have a lot of that too! Most of the clay is the color of a baby's diaper who has eaten far too many carrots and sweet potatoes (trust me, I know!) but every so often we'd hit a spot of white clay the color and consistency of really old silly putty. None of this "soil" is conducive to plants so my sister-in-law aka 'The Gardening Guru', recommended we add some manure to the bed and "work it into the soil." We started out at 8:30 this morning and spent the better part of the day busting our collective asses, trying to make a heavenly bed for the new plants we invested in during our trip to the nursery yesterday.

I'll try to post some pictures later but right now every part of my body hurts... Well, maybe everything except my eyelashes, wait, no, those hurt too.

So tomorrow we're going to be finishing up... Yea, you heard me, we're not done. There's still a side bed to finish planting... Crap!... We're NOT done! *weeping* I HATE clay!

This you won't want to miss...

Okay, maybe I'm just really tired (Got my beach on yesterday with a group of friends and didn't get home until 2:30 am, then the girl child had an ortho appointment with Dr. Fabulous first thing this morning)... and maybe I'm just punch drunk now, but after viewing the site Cake Wrecks, I not only have duplicate streams of mascara tracks trailing down my cheeks, I also have a runny nose and aching abs... Yes, I laughed that hard.

I'd like to dedicate this post to both Whiskeymarie, 'cause you know, she bakes and stuff... And to Jon, because I appreciate his sense of humor and I think this is right up his alley, especially THIS post.

If you've got the time, check out the entire site. If not, be sure not to miss THIS gem.

Little Black Bug Invasion or Go Ask The Internet

I'm a decent housekeeper... Really, I AM!
However, in the past week we've noticed an invasion and frankly it's beginning to FREAK ME OUT!

They're rather benign, these little nuisances. It's not like they bite or attack in large numbers, YET, that is. I should note however that they got into the box of dog bones in the pantry and burrowed thousands of little holes into them... So it would seem they DO like dog bones.

I've searched all over the internet to find that they resemble 'Carpet Beetles'... BUT, these little creatures don't seem to be the least bit interested in the carpet. They instead congregate around the florescent light in my laundry room. This could possibly be their point of entry, I'm not sure. It seems when I turn off the light they migrate to other parts of the house. Yesterday I got the vacuum out and eradicated or THOUGHT I had eradicated them. Then this morning I come downstairs and like those few pounds I lost a while ago, they came back and they increased in number.

Has anyone else had a run-in with such creatures? Should I be calling an exterminator RIGHT NOW? Or should I remain blissfully unaware that eventually these little buggers are going to multiply into such great numbers or size that before long they'll be sitting around my living room wearing little party hats, smoking, drinking and effectively turn my house into low rent district living?

I'm counting on you internet to help me figure this out.

UPDATE: I think I found my answer. Thanks Internet!

And Then They Went Home & Ate Their Beret's With a Wedge Of Camembert Cheese

If you saw the 400m relay last night, the one in which the French talked smack about beating the US in the 4x100 freestyle relay? Well if you witnessed the Awesomeness that IS the US Mens Swim Team? Then I'm sure you understand the title of this post.

If you missed the 400m relay last night and the comment made by Bernard of the French Mens Swim Team, which I believe went something like this: "The Americans? We're going to smash them. That's what we came here for." I reiterate, If you missed that race? I'm sorry, but you missed one of the greatest moments in Olympic history.

Oh and allow me to leave you with this last quote from the French.... Uh, Um, Boo-Hoo... LOSERS!

"A fingertip did the victory," said Amaury Leveaux, one of the French swimmers. "It is nothing."

It's ONLY the GOLD, Baby!

Who Knew?

I always thought it would take an act of God (typhoon, hurricane, earthquake)... to get my son out of the basement and away from his computer. He's an awesome programmer. Works with people from Australia to Timbuktu on troubleshooting computer problems and writing code. I have to say it's really difficult as a Mom, to understand the value of the copious amounts of time my boy spends away from the family when there's nothing tangible I can see from the time spent. I just have to take comfort in the notion that he's helping people and that's a good thing, despite the fact that his parents seldom get the chance to see much more than the back of his head as he sits facing a computer screen in a dimly lit basement.

Enter the 2008 Olympics...

I was out most of the evening on Friday but my husband made a point to drag my son out of his cave and ask him to join him in watching the opening ceremonies of the Olympics. By the time I got home, around 10 pm on Friday, the feeling in the air of our home was, in a word, ELECTRIC! My son could not stop talking about all of the AMAZING events that made up the spectacle that was the opening ceremony in Beijing.

Come Saturday morning, when my son is typically sawing logs until well after the sun has begun to make it's journey towards the western sky, he was out of bed and turning on the television to see what events were taking place in the world of Olympics. Every other sentence out of his mouth throughout the day was, "Mom, check this out!"... "Mom, this is so cool!" The only time he went near a computer, was to use my laptop in an attempt to find video of the parts of the opening ceremonies I had missed. He was desperate to show me just how spectacular it was.

And now it's Sunday, the second full day of Olympic coverage and here's my son, still excited, still fascinated. I asked him yesterday if he'd been anticipating the Olympics or if it was the Opening Ceremonies that got him interested. He replied that it was most definitely the spectacle that he watched Friday night that got him fired up and said, "I really have to thank Dad for asking me to come watch it with him."

Who knew that my boy would find this battle for the best, the strongest and the fastest so fulfilling? Thanks Beijing for giving me the opportunity to spend some quality time with my son.

And then she rolled her eyes...

My daughter, the avid hummingbird photographer, entered the house after a recent 'photo session' and whined to me...

Daughter: "Those stupid hummingbirds!"

Me: "What's so stupid about the hummingbirds?"

Daughter: "Well, I'll try to get a picture of one and just as I get ready to photograph it, another hummer will dart up, start a fight with it and chase it off."

Daughter : *heaving a big sigh* "I want to enjoy the hummingbirds but because they can't get along it just completely ruins it for me and makes me angry at them. It would be so much easier if they didn't fight all the time."

Me: *seizing the opportunity as the PERFECT analogy lay spread out before me* "So wait, I think I know what you're saying! When you and your brother fight I feel EXACTLY the same way!... OH MY GOSH, NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL!" I admit, my tone was fairly dripping with sarcasm.

So you know that sound... The sound of one hand clapping? Or the sound a tree makes when it falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it make a sound?... Yep, besides the eye roll, that's pretty much all I heard after that amazing exercise of connecting the dots.

MORE Wedding Stuff?

I was able to catch a few decent pictures... However, I must state that it's nearly impossible to get a non-blurry picture of a groom who's too nervous to stand still, without the use of flash, in a dimly lit church. Our particular groom 'Jerry', had a side to side rocking motion to fight off the nerves. A previous wedding we attended, the groom, 'Paul' kept his nerves in check by chewing gum throughout the ceremony... His mother-in-law was not thrilled until Paul was able to explain that without the gum he was, "Going down." Funny that the guys get so nervous when all they have to do is walk a short distance from the front of the church to the altar. Whereas, the bride must walk the length of a center aisle in a gown that ways sometimes half as much as she does AND walk in heels while doing so. Believe me, there's all manor of things that can go wrong with that scenario, not to mention the fear of tripping over a 4 ft. train. So p'shah I say to all those nervous grooms!

So, here's some pics of the happy couple...

Jerry - The Nervous Groom


















Jessica - The Beautiful & Excited Bride


















The Happy Couple

















It took what seemed like an eternity for them to cut a slice out of the cake. There were a mess of people standing around with their cameras at the ready waiting, and waiting, and waiting... Finally Jerry's dad hollered out, "Are you guys doing surgery or cutting the cake?" I guess they'd never cut a cake before.












Here's a favorite shot obviously taken post-feeding the cake to one another.

















And a picture of one of my favorite moments of the evening.

I just LOVE Weddings!

And EVERYBODY Danced...

I'm adding this post to Candid Carrie's Friday Foto Fiesta... Check out the fun here.

Folks, I'm gonna milk the wedding we attended for all the blog fodder it's worth. So if you keep coming back here and find more pics and more material, well sorry, I don't get out much and when I do, well, I pretty much can't stop talking about it.

The venue for the wedding reception was fabulous by Lancaster, Pennsylvania standards... I guess I really shouldn't be slamming a place I'm not very familiar with... However, we're talking about Amish Country here, not exactly the entertainment capital of the world, unless you're into Outlet Malls. So please forgive me for being critical. The reception was held at the Eden Resort. Here's a picture of the room (should I even call it that?) where the reception took place.


It really was a stunning venue... However, my VERY favorite part of the evening, besides all the shmaltzy wedding stuff, which gets me weepy every time, was when we spied the waiters getting their groove on. They appeared to be having such a wonderful time that my daughter caught this little moment with the video setting on her camera.

Allow me to set the scene: A group of the waiters enjoying the DJ, begin showing one another their 'moves', the rest, as it plays out is pretty self-explanatory.



We showed the guys the video and they laughed hysterically at themselves. We informed them we were gonna post the video on You Tube and they all said, "Heck ya, Do it!" So here you go guys, now you're famous... In this little corner of blog world anyway.

Embarrassing Moment #578

Okay, lets see if I can paint an accurate picture here because gratefully NO digital bits or bytes were expended to cement embarrassing moment #578 for posterity.

The story begins with our family arriving at the reception venue 2 hrs. before the reception was to begin. The wedding ceremony took place at 2:00 and the reception was scheduled to begin at 5:30 so we had time to kill. What's a family to do in a strange town? Well our family likes to make sure they locate the reception landmark and just hang for a while... We're wild and crazy like that. So we walked around the resort and located a room (doors closed) with a sign that read "In Honor Of Jerry & Jessica"... Hey, we just attended a wedding for 'Jerry & Jessica' so this must be THE place. It appeared to be a rather small room but a short distance down the same hall on the other side was a large banquet room where the wait staff appeared to be setting the tables for the next event. In my mind it all became obvious... The first room was where cocktail hour would take place and then we would all be ushered to the larger hall for dinner... I get it, no problem... This is where we show up at 5:30.

Around 3:30 we meet up with some cousins who were staying at the resort. We were starving so we grabbed some snacks at the gas station mini mart located just next to the hotel. We went back to our cousins room and munched away, all the while watching news reports that tornadoes had been spotted in the area and hoped the wedding party didn't choose to have their professional photos taken in the direct path of the nasty weather.

At 5:15 we decide to head down to the lobby. We found the majority of family members had entered the bar just off the lobby and were visiting and sharing drinks. We decide to join them. At that time I made a point to get out my camera and catch a few shots of the family mingling. My kids kept asking me, "When are we going to the reception?" I don't know, I guess when everybody starts moving in that direction. I should note that we walked down the hall earlier and saw a bouncer type waiter standing in front of the 'cocktail hour' room so I figured at that point it wasn't yet time to get the party started.

Seats at the bar had pretty much been taken up everywhere and my legs were getting tired from standing... My kids were continuing to nag me over when we were going to leave the bar. My husband was talking to a relative and I told him we were heading over to the reception. Knowing I would be taking more pictures soon, I left my camera hanging around my neck. I had my purse slung over my shoulder (Have I mentioned before how much I HATE carrying a purse?) and the wedding gift nestled in my left arm. I had forgotten to pack my hairbrush and having spent the ceremony in an un-air-conditioned church, on a day when thunderstorms packing heat and humidity were racing through the area, well, you can just imagine the horror that sat upon my head. I had given my camera case to my son to carry for me and as we walked down the hall to the 'Cocktail Hour' room my son, being oh so gracious and helpful, tossed my camera bag over my head so it strangled my neck and hung down my back. I was not amused, as I was schlepping all the goods and my son and daughter walked blissfully empty handed, swinging there arms to and fro in unencumbered glory. I snapped at my son, gave him a vicious look and fortunately her removed the case from my neck.

We at last approached the 'Cocktail Hour' room and I was perplexed that at 5:30 the door was still closed, I opened it anyway and stepped inside. Holding the door open I looked into the room to see the entire wedding party having a pre-reception gathering with cocktails and drinks. I would later realize this was the room where the wedding party would hang out until they were formally announced at THE RECEPTION HALL.... AFTER the cocktail hour. Did I realize this at the time?... NO, definitely not! Instead, in all my doofus cousin glory, I said something to the effect of, "Is it time for us to be here now?" The entire wedding party looked at me, took in the glory of my idiocy and all gave me a look that said, "What the ____?" I think I heard the bride say something like, "Um, no but...." I couldn't hear it over the sound of the ocean of embarrassment flooding my ears. I turned confused and left the room. I looked at the banquet room across the hall and saw wall to wall people all of whom were quite obviously NOT members of our family (It was a convention for AME Choir Members)... I turned on my heel and headed back to the bar with my kids trying to ask me where do we go? At the far side of the lobby I saw my husband looking confused and saying to me, "Where did you go?" What I couldn't figure out was WHY he wasn't with us? For HE was the one to point out the 'In honor of Jerry & Jessica' room to begin with! Instead he pointed just to the left of the bar to the entrance of a grand hall with a sign at the entrance ramp that said, 'In Honor of Jerry & Jessica - Private Party'... There was a crowd of people gathered around the table at the entrance, all of whom were busy locating their table assignment card. My daughter was in one ear telling me to grab our card, my husband the other telling me to sign the photograph on the easel and all I could focus on was what an idiot I appeared to be to the entire wedding party. I might as well have worn a sign around my neck that said:

"I'm only here for the photos and the food, not only that but I have attention deficit issues and a lousy sense of direction. Please spend the next 20 yrs. of your married life remembering this moment. In fact, recall it as often as you wish, so that you can make one another laugh during moments of boredom or tense situations... And thank you for allowing me this contribution and for asking me to share in your day."

I know, it would need to be a pretty big sign, but fortunately they didn't need it, I allowed them to draw their own conclusions.

With all the noise in my head, the continued sound of the ocean, the questions about table tags and signatures... My husband directing me to put the gift over on that table, my daughter saying, "Wait, we don't know where to sit." My son pointing out the DJ inspired lighting effects... My husband, my son, my daughter.... All talking at once! I just wanted to burst into tears right there, right at that moment. Instead I set my stuff down at our now discovered place setting and said to myself, "Go somewhere quiet and pull yourself together." I announced as everyone continued talking to me, Husband: "What would you like to drink?"
Daughter: "What do you think they have to eat?"
Son: "Did you see those lights?"
I said, "I need to use the rest room."

I went off by myself to the restroom. Found an empty stall and pulled myself together. Surely I made too big a thing out of going to the wrong room. In the hustle and bustle that is part of a wedding day, I doubt my little mistake even registered on their radar... And even if it did, was I going to let it ruin the entire party for me? I stopped shaking, I cleared my head, I went to the sink and put on fresh lipstick and took a look at myself in the mirror... My hair didn't look near as bad as I thought it did, in fact it had kind of that half-sexy mussed look that some women use gobs of hairspray to achieve. I exited the restroom, stopped and signed the photograph, found my seat and informed my husband I'd like a diet-coke... And then I let the party commence and enjoyed myself immensely!