Friday, September 29, 2006

Now I want to run...

Maybe you'll remember some posts a few weeks back about 'Newlywed Girl' and I considering signing on for a marathon together in order to aide us in our goal to lose 20 lbs. by Christmas.

I'm no runner and the thought makes me incredibly nervous... Then I received this yesterday from my dear friend LJ:

Something to Think About – IMAGINE
Strongest Dad in the World
[From Sports Illustrated, By Rick Reilly]

I try to be a good father. Give my kids mulligans. Work nights to pay for their text messaging. Take them to swimsuit shoots. But compared with Dick Hoyt, I suck.

Eighty-five times he's pushed his disabled son, Rick, 26.2 miles in marathons. Eight times he's not only pushed him 26.2 miles in a wheelchair but also towed him 2.4 miles in a dinghy while swimming and pedaled him 112 miles in a seat on the handlebars-all in t he same day. Dick's also pulled him cross-country skiing, taken him on his back mountain climbing and once hauled him across the U.S. on a bike. Makes taking your son bowling look a little lame, right? And what has Rick done for his father? Not much-except save his life. This love story began in Winchester, Mass., 43 years ago, when Rick was strangled by the umbilical cord during birth, leaving him brain-damaged and unable to control his limbs. "He'll be a vegetable the rest of his life;" Dick says doctors told him and his wife, Judy, when Rick was nine months old. "Put him in an institution." But the Hoyts weren't buying it. They noticed the way Rick's eyes followed them around the room. When Rick was 11 they took him to the engineering department at Tufts University and asked if there was anything to help the boy communicate. "No way," Dick says he was told. "There's nothing going on in his brain." "Tell him a joke," Dick countered. They did. Rick laughed. Turns out a lot was going on in his brain. Rigged up with a computer that allowed him to control the cursor by touching a switch with the side of his head, Rick was finally able to communicate. First words? "Go Bruins!" And after a high school classmate was paralyzed in an accident and the school organized a charity run for him, Rick pecked out, "Dad, I want to do that." Yeah, right. How was Dick, a self-described "porker" who never ran more than a mile at a time, going to push his son five miles? Still, he tried. "Then it was me who was handicapped," Dick says. "I was sore for two weeks." That day changed Rick's life. "Dad," he typed, "when we were running, it felt like I wasn't disabled anymore!" And that sentence changed Dick's life. He became obsessed with giving Rick that feeling as often as he could. He got into such hard-belly shape that he and Rick were ready to try the 1979 Boston Marathon. "No way," Dick was told by a race official. The Hoyts weren't quite a single runner, and they weren't quite a wheelchair competitor. For a few years Dick and Rick just joined the massive field and ran anyway, then they found a way to get into the race officially: In 1983 they ran another marathon so fast they made the qualifying time for Boston the following year. Then somebody said, "Hey, Dick, why not a triathlon?" How's a guy who never learned to swim and hadn't ridden a bike since he was six going to haul his 110-pound kid through a triathlon? Still, Dick tried. Now they've done 212 triathlons, including four grueling 15-hour Ironmans in Hawaii. It must be a buzzkill to be a 25-year-old stud getting passed by an old guy towing a grown man in a dinghy, don't you think? Hey, Dick, why not see how you'd do on your own? "No way," he says. Dick does it purely for "the awesome feeling" he gets seeing Rick with a cantaloupe smile as they run, swim and ride together. This year, at ages 65 and 43, Dick and Rick finished their 24th Boston Marathon, in 5,083rd place out of more than 20,000 starters. Their best time'? Two hours, 40 minutes in 1992--only 35 minutes off the world record, which, in case you don't keep track of these things, happens to be held by a guy who was not pushing another man in a wheelchair at the time. "No question about it," Rick types. "My dad is the Father of the Century." And Dick got something else out of all this too. Two years ago he had a mild heart attack during a race. Doctors found that one of his arteries was 95% clogged. "If you hadn't been in such great shape," one doctor told him, "you probably would've died 15 years ago." So, in a way, Dick and Rick saved each other's life. Rick, who has his own apartment (he gets home care) and works in Boston, and Dick, retired from the military and living in Holland, Mass., always find ways to be together. They give speeches around the country and compete in some backbreaking race every > weekend, including this Father's Day. That night, Rick will buy his dad dinner, but the thing he really wants to give him is a gift he can never buy. "The thing I'd most like," Rick types, "is that my dad sits in the chair and I push him once."

Then I watched the video and that brought on a whole new resolve to 'Just Do It!' along with a few tears.

So this message is for 'Newlywed Girl'... 5K Oct. 28th in Ocean City... Are we on?

Thursday, September 28, 2006

The Most Important Day...

I was recently approached with the request to become a 'Wedding Planner'... It's all a part of a large project I've been involved with for the last year.

I've always loved planning parties... I think I'm quite good at it... I enjoy all the details of a great party... The Invitations, The Decorations, The Food... However, it is quite a different game altogether to take on the responsibility of being at the helm of 'The most important day of someone's life'... As an old married woman I know that phrase isn't necessarily true but try to tell a young bride that!

In the very limited spare time I've had lately, I've been doing a bit of research into exactly what is required of 'A Wedding Planner.' Here's just some of what I found out:

Our first duty/responsibility is to the bride and groom. The services and benefits we offer them are:
1) Determine and maintain the parameters of an overall budget
2) Setting and attending appointments with vendors, such as:
a) Ceremony and Reception Site Selection
b) Caterer (If necessary)
c) Bridle Salon dress selections
d) Florist, Decor or Production Company
e) Entertainment (Band or DJ)
f) Musicians for Ceremony
g) Photographer
h) Videographer
I) Baker
j) Officiant
k) Calligrapher
l) Transportation for the wedding day
3) Review all of their contracts for completeness or omissions
4) Provide constant communication with all of the vendors they select
5) Assistance with Invitations, Favors and Accessories
6) Assistance with Save the Date cards/letters
7) Assist with organizing the rehearsal dinner
8) Assist with Accommodations
9) Handle shipping and receiving when they need to send items for the wedding
10) Wedding Day Director Service - Orchestrating and directing their Rehearsal and Ceremony, working side by side with the officiant and other vendors

We are also there to:
- be an efficiency expert and organizer, advising what to do when their plans seem overwhelming
- help them understand costs and services and professional lingo
- work side by side with the other vendors to ensure the day flows smoothly
- be an advocate who works on their behalf to get the best services, quality, and prices
- oversee all the work done by all the vendors they hire, whether my recommendation or not
- anticipate problems before they arise and solve them, most times without the bride and groom even knowing about them
- handle last minute details or errands that need to be taken care of
- prepare schedules and itineraries for the vendors
- be an extra set of hands that can handle all the details for them
- be a mediator to run interference with vendors and family members
- diplomatically explain to a difficult relative or guest why toddlers have not been invited
- be an independent third party who is a detached problem solver and not embroiled in family situations or emotional decisions

Though this list is, in no way, completely inclusive, it does give a very good description of the tasks we take care of as professional wedding coordinators when hired by the bride, groom and/or their parents.

WHOA!!! That's an awful lot to have riding on any one persons shoulders. I believe the venue I'll be working with won't be able to hold a huge amount of guests... And some of the items listed above won't necessarily be a part of what we'll offer but WOW! I really have to spend some time considering whether I'm up to the task!? I can't think of anything I'd love more than to be involved in such joyous occassions... I'm also quite a control freak and that may be a draw-back when it's the bride that really has the say in what she wants... For instance, how would I handle the bride that has incredibly tacky taste?... And those issues with family that are touched on... I'm a rather non-confrontational kind of gal... Will I be able to handle people high on emotion and low on common sense?

This entire project I'm involved in is going to take at least a few years before it's off the ground and running and I'm grateful for that because it's going to give me a lot of time to research this whole idea and determine if I've got what it takes.... For now though, I'm intrigued by the idea of playing a part in 'The most important day of someone's life'.
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Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Holiday Rush...

Last week I was in 'Kohl's' and was dismayed to find the Christmas Trees were already on display... C'mon guys, Can't we at least get through Halloween first? Posted by Picasa

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

E-mail... The Good & The Bad

E-mail... It's a wonderful thing... Right?

In just moments we can relay a message with anyone we know who's connected to a computer and share with them a funny quip, a meeting time or a quick thought. We can also share small intimacies... Positive and Negative, which can be interpreted in any manner of ways. For instance, I can call a friend on the phone and say, "Where have you been?" By the intonation in my voice my friend can determine whether that comes off as an attack or quite simply a greeting of nothing more than "I've missed you, it's been so long since we've seen eachother."

The other problem I find with e-mail is that it's just too easy to 'fire' off a message without a bit of forethought. If I receive a letter through the postal system I know that some thought was put into the message within the folds of the envelope. It takes time to search out paper, a pen, a stamp... And having to write the words out long hand makes you stop and ponder exactly what you want to say and how you want to say it... Few people want to send letters with scratched out words or sentences. I'll take the snail-mail version of a letter any day, even if it is information I'm not especially keen on hearing, or should I say reading.

But you say... "Letter writing takes so much time, e-mail is such a convenience." It is! But not when it comes to matters of the heart. If I want to convey my feelings to a friend about a misunderstanding we had, should I really use e-mail to let them know how I feel? Conversely, if I want to share in some bit of joyful news with them... Will they understand how truly happy I am if I write it down in an e-mail?... Caps lock and excalamation points can only go so far... A card, a phone call, a visit can mean so very much more.

I know life is busy but if there are people in your life that really matter... I think it's important to attempt to do more than e-mail them.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Music & Moments...

This weekend we attended a beautiful family wedding. Following the wedding was a splendid reception, replete with Delicious Food, Wonderful People (family & friends) and Music. The DJ's were the best I'd ever heard, because they seemed as much a part of the guests and loved ones as everyone in attendance. I was surprised to find out later that they were just a couple who had come highly recommended and were not long time friends of the newlyweds.

I LOVE dancing, I'm not especially good at it, but I can't help but move my body to a driving beat and sing along to a favorite tune. If the Electric Slide comes on I'll jump up on the dance floor and bumble my way through just for the pure joy of moving to the music... My husband however, does not like to dance AT ALL. This difference in opinion has resulted in my life as a 'Chair Dancer' at receptions. I'll get up and dance sometimes with the other girls and maybe even convince my husband to sway back and forth slightly on the dance floor for a slow song or two... He's decided it's better to indulge me than to have to deal with my cold, icy glare when they typically play THE song at a reception for the 'Married' couples to share a dance... I'm sure you know how it goes... All of the couples start off the dance and then are eliminated as they count up the years of marriage... We made it past the 20 yr. mark this time... Something of which I am immensely proud!

My son used to like to dance... The last family wedding we attended was roughly 5 yrs. ago which meant he was around 11 yrs. old. He had the best time!!! At that particular wedding he had 4 bridesmaids on the dance floor with him throughout the night all at the same time! After the reception we headed back to the hotel and found the bridesmaids were rooming on the floor just above ours... My son was disappointed that we wouldn't let him go up and hang out with the bridesmaids before he turned in for the night... That magical night he was a 'Ladies Man' and he didn't want it to end.

This wedding however my son decided he was too cool to get out on the dance floor. I asked him several times if he'd dance with me and his reply was, "I can't dance with my MOM!" When did that happen? When did I become the threat to his masculinity? His popularity? His coolness? I was hurt and I tried not to show it but he was perceptive enough to know it. He tried to cajole me with hugs and 'You know I love you's'... But I felt a little sad at the fact that we'd reached that point where self consciousness had taken over his love of dancing and having a good time. He didn't understand that was the reason I was disappointed... Not simply because he didn't want to dance with me... More because he didn't want to dance with anyone!

Towards the end of the evening, as the last couple of songs were being played before the newlyweds made their departure, the song 'The Broken Road' by, Rascal Flatts began playing... I really like this song ever since 'Newlywed Girl' introduced it to me. As the first few lines were being sung I stood up from my place at the table simply to stretch my legs. At the same time my son who was sitting next to me also stood. He put his arms around me, told me he loved me and gave me a big hug. As we stood there with the song playing he continued to hold me tight and slowly we began to sway to the music... Just a little at first, but then ever so gently we began to turn in slow circles, sharing a very special slow dance right there next to our table, away from the crowded dance floor. The song, 'The Broken Road' is about finding your one true love... "God bless the broken road that led me straight to you."... The lyrics really have little in common with that particular instance... But from this day forward, every time I hear it play... I will be transported back to that moment in time that I spent slow dancing with my son.
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Sunday, September 24, 2006

Anna Banana Sunday... Twins?

Polar Bear at the Zoo... Anna in the Living Room... The resemblance is uncanny! Posted by Picasa

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Strangely Emotional...

I am SO wierd...

While on vacation my friend 'L' and I stopped into a little gift shop and found the most amazing clocks... A wall filled with timepieces that whirled and twirled and sparkled and played such lovely music.

I was so enchanted by each clock my eyes quite literally filled with tears... What the heck is THAT about?
I'm a crier... I cry when I'm sad (of course!), I cry when I'm angry (not unusual), but I cry when I'm happy... And not just 'Happy' in the sense that I just had a baby or something (which, for some odd reason I didn't cry during either of my kids births.)... But I tend to cry when I'm 'Happy' because something charmed me... Like a Clock!

I can NOT see a Disney movie without getting teary eyed, especially if I'm with my kids. If a movie is especially sad I'm done for... I'll walk out of the theatre trying desperately to mask the puffy eyes and try to seek relief from the giant lump in my throat that I held there to keep from sobbing. When I went to see 'Titanic' I made it out of the theatre and all the way across the parking lot before I let loose a huge sob... The mother telling her children a bedtime story as the water rose around them completely did me in... I know I was one of millions that cried over that.

But a clock hanging in a gift shop?

I told my husband I thought it would make a lovely anniversary gift and he seems to like the idea too! I'm sure I'll only tear up the first time its little cogs spin around and it plays its first charming tune... Unless it goes off while I'm watching a Disney movie in the same room with one of my kids... Then I'll definitly need some tissues.
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Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Saving Starfish by the Sea...

My daughter lives... I mean LIVES for the beach! She's not one to spend her time jumping waves but instead revels in the nature surrounding her. She spends her time along the jetty's and the tidal pools searching for all manner of sea life. She's the girl you see walking down the beach holding an enormous Conch Shell and you wonder to yourself, "How in the world did she find that?" Truth is, she worked over a half hour to squeeze herself into a small spot between the rocks and patiently worked to ease the shell out of a crevice so it wouldn't break. My daughter is nothing if not persistent! If however she finds that there is still a conch living within she'll return it to a safe crevice so it can go back to live as usual.

This year the beach presented her with the exhausting challenge of trying to relocate hundreds of starfish that had found themselves marooned along the jetty after the tide began to recede. My daughter and her friend decided it was their mission to ensure the safety of all the poor stranded creatures. In the process of their relocation efforts they gathered a small crowd of onlookers... Some who had never seen a real live starfish their entire lives! They taught several adults along the way about conservation and the importance of protecting the Starfish... Though I don't believe Starfish are in any way an endangered species. They admonished any folks who desired to walk away with one of the starfish. The girls determined that all of those dried starfish they had seen in the beach shops were just like the creatures they were trying to save but had been harvested for profit... And from now until the end of forever they would NEVER purchase a dried starfish.

I'm proud of my little girl... That day she held the rapt attention of many adults... Some of whom may have intended to walk away from that beach with a dying starfish but all of which watched, helped, questioned and became enchanted by the two young ladies who were teaching them about respecting nature.
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Sunday, September 17, 2006

Playing Catch Up...

I've been 'Tagged' by M .... Well, LAST Sunday I was 'Tagged' by M, so here I am tonight playing a bit of 'Catch Up' on all my favorite blogs! Lime, Paige, M, Julie... I missed your musings.

Things I would like to do before I die...
1. Be the lead actress in a play.
2. Fit into a size 9 again.
3. Publish a short story.
4. Be the featured artist at a gallery showing.
5. Those are some pretty major aspirations... I don't think I have a 5th one in me!

Things I can do...
1. I'm a pretty good cook if I do say so myself.
2. Gather people together.
3. I just learned DDR (Dance Dance Revolution) and I'm getting pretty good at it!
4. Still touch my toes without bending my knees.
5. Come up with 5 self serving comments about myself with minimal embarrassment.

Things I can't do...
1. A Cartwheel (me neither M!)
2. Climb very well.
3. Can't seem to deprive myself of sweets and fattening foods.
4. Sew (I SO suck at sewing!)
5. Program a VCR

Things that attracted me to my husband...
1. Above all his sense of humor.
2. Handsome face and blonde hair.
3. Giving Nature
4. Honesty
5. He held my foot before he held my hand... C'mon, how cute is that!

Things I say most often...
1. Crap!
2. Butthead! (mostly to other drivers.)
3. "I love you infinity squared times two... Can't get any higher!" (That's the saying my daughter and I tell eachother all the time)
4. "Love you bud!" (That's what I always say to my son.)
5. "Hey Hon!" (That's how I get my husbands attention.)

Books I Love...
1. Reader's Digest Quotable Quotes
2. Webster's Thesaurus
3. Put Your Heart on Paper
4. Tuesday's With Morrie
5. The Red Tent

Movies I Love...
1. Pretty Woman (Sure it's about a prostitute and is about as realistic as Pam Andersons boobs but it's a Cinderella story and I just LOVE Cinderella stories because I can relate.)
2. Ever After (Are you sensing a theme here?)
3. 50 First Dates
4. The Princess Bride
5. Garden State (Actually I think this movie is okay, but it makes my husband giggle and I just love to listen to him giggle when he watches a movie.)

Thanks for the tag M... And now I'd like to tag Newlywed Girl because I think this'll be her first TAG!

Anna Banana Sunday... Are they EVER coming home?

Anna says, "My family went away on vacation for a WHOLE week and they didn't even bring me back a t-shirt!" Posted by Picasa

Friday, September 08, 2006

Mailing Labels...

Seems everybody and their brother who ask for a charitable handout these days like to send out return address mailing labels... They come in all styles, plain, flat paper without any picture... plain, flat paper with a little image of a sun or some such thing... Then there are the fancy labels that are printed on glossy paper and are adorned with an image of a bouquet or a flag... The ones I like best are the triple threat... Glossy paper with shimmering gold borders and an image that's die cut around the edges so as to break the mold of the boring old rectangular return address label... I like these but typically I have to be sending a rather large envelope in order for the label to fit.

Here's the problem... I know they send these things as a little gift so as to entice the recipient to respond in kind... But I'm not independently wealthy! I'd like to give to everyone but that's just not possible. So of course there's always some guilt involved when I tear off the donation form and keep the labels... But there's even more guilt involved with throwing out perfectly good mailing labels... I mean, I might NEED to use them one day! So now it seems I'm collecting mailing labels like I collect boxes! I have a bin in my coffee table that is quite simply overflowing with return address labels. I hoard the fancy ones and only use them for special mailings... Like birthday cards, letters, invitations and packages... I would NEVER waste a fancy label on a bill... Bill payments tend to get the plain, non-glossy, maybe a small picture label.

So I ask myself... What the heck am I going to do with ALL of these extra mailing labels? Paper the powder room? Label my tools? My books?... Well there's an idea! Regardless, I just don't have THAT many books!

So I'd like to say to the charities that keep sending me mailing labels... ENOUGH ALREADY! Oh and to the charities that send me a nickel in the mail... Please keep your nickel... All it does is serve to infuriate me that your wasting money on the people you're supposed to be helping by sending out your change! I will never be interested in giving to an organization that's going to take the money I donate and purchase rolls of nickels with it to send out to people who also don't like seeing money wasted and throw the nickel into their change dish... A dish which is over flowing and needs to be taken to the 'Coin Star' machine at the grocery store.

Oh, and the other thing I hate getting in the mail is a package of cards to send friends and loved ones... You know the ones? The 'Get Well', 'Happy Birthday' & 'Thank You' cards that have tacky little cartoon birds on them?... I COULD send these out but I KNOW that the person who receives it will think to themselves... "That cheap @!%*& sent me one of those crappy cards I got for free in the mail myself last week!"... The only people who benefit from these cards would be people like my Grandma who couldn't make it out to the store to purchase cards on her own. So is this charity insinuating that I'm too elderly to get out to the store and purchase my own cards? I wonder how I might repay them for their kindness... I know...

Maybe in return I can send them my extra mailing labels?

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

New Music

With the kids off to school now I'm absolutely flummoxed as to what to talk about... The laundry, nah! The dishes, nah! The new cd's I purchased... Okay!

After watching the VMA's the other night and having previously seen these guys on MadTV and YouTube... I had to purchase the cd 'Oh No' by, 'Ok Go'!

Many years ago... Uh, make that Many, Many years ago when MTV was in its infancy my husband and I watched a video by a young dancer that went by the single moniker of 'Madonna'... At that time my husband turned to me and said, "You know, that girl is gonna make it BIG!"... I've never been good at predictions but it's apparent that my husband knew what he was talking about.... That said, I'd like to think that the group 'Ok Go' is headed for super stardom. In an era of mimics and whiners these guys have a fresh sound with great beat... There wasn't one song on the cd that I didn't find myself movin' along to... And with 13 songs, it's a bargain to boot!

The other cd I purchased I'd like to blame on 'Newlywed Girl'... It's all her fault that she MADE me listen to that 'Rascal Flatts' song, 'Bless The Broken Road'... So yes, I broke down and bought the cd 'Feels Like Today'.... I know, I know, boy band goes country... But I went to CMT's website and watched their videos and damn if I wasn't hooked like a 'Catfish in Grandpa's pond!'

Whilst standing in the Country music section I got almost misty when I found 'Marty Robbins, Gunfighter Ballads'... This music holds a special place in my heart because it takes me back to time spent with my dad... The early days, before the step-monster entered our lives... He'd put the record on the living room stereo and sing along with Marty while dancing a 5 yr. old (me) around the room in his arms... I'm listening while I type and feeling so pleased with my purchase.

Before I left the Country aisle I also found 'Ray Stevens - Box Set'... This was kind of an impulse buy because I'd been telling my kids recently about the music I used to listen to on the radio when I was a kid... KFI AM radio... Specifically, 'The Streak'... My step-sisters and I would always look forward to this particular song playing on the air. Since we're getting ready to go on vacation with our extended family and friends, I thought this cd would be a fun addition to those nights we'll be gathered together playing the family card game.

Best part about all of my purchases... I got 'em on sale!

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

The Sounds of Silence...

Today's the day... Everyone's back, to school, to work and I am back in my studio and enjoying the quiet.

Today... There won't be anyone asking me if I'm hungry for lunch yet... (So they can get Mom to make their sandwich.)

Today... No one will be asking me, "So, what are your plans?"... (So as to let me know that they don't have any and are looking for me to entertain them.)

Today... I can work, play, eat & rest without interruption.

Today is WONDERFUL... Tomorrow... I might start to get bored.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Anna Banana Sunday

'Anna Banana Sunday' is a new weekly post that will feature our dog Anna. It means I don't have to worry about yanking out something creative to write about AND I get to share pics of one of the worlds most beautiful yet psychotic dogs.
Anna Banana Loves to snuggle! Posted by Picasa

Friday, September 01, 2006

Not Your Momma's VMA's...

Notice: If you're not an MTV fan nor did you watch last nights Video Music Awards this post may not interest you... If however, at one time you were an avid viewer of MTV, this may be right up your alley.

Okay, I'm willing to admit it... I'm a cool Mom... Yes, yes, it's true... I enjoy keeping up with the trends in video and music and much to my kids horror I try to sing and dance along to the likes of Justin Timberlake and Shakira... And believe me, trying to keep up with the likes of Shakira can leave my children gape mouthed and horrified!

So last night I had a date with the television expressly for viewing the VMA's... Mind you, I went into this figuring that this wasn't going to be anything like the golden years of MTV... No Madonna rolling on the floor in a lacey bustierre... Shocking us all... I understand that in todays world it's going to take a LOT more than that to shock everyone and I'm not sure I want to witness what it takes to shock todays viewers.

Following you will find notes that I took while watching the event unfold:

Justin Timberlake - Is he morphing into Michael Jackson... The music, The voice, The dance moves... Hey Justin, how 'bout something original? We've seen all this before!

Jack Black - I normally like this guy (School of Rock) but I'm sorry, tonight he fell flat!

James Blunt - You've GOT to be kidding me... Best Male Video??? The only explanation is the voting community is made up entirely of pre-pubescent british girls.

Black-Eyed Peas - Win for Best Hip-Hop Video - My Humps... They used to sing about making the world a better place (Where is the love)... Now their lyrics are made up of sexual innuendo... "My hump, my lovely little lump!" Nice goin' Peas... Like women aren't already sexually exploited... Now we get to listen to songs regarding our asses in ringtones.

Shakira - What's with her voice? I can't tell if she can really carry a tune or not?... But I wish I could belly dance like that!

LL Cool J & 50 Cent - It's 'Fitty... Fitty Cent'... Or is it 'Fiddy'?... Who knows, who cares?

Kelly Clarkson - Wins for Best Female Video... She's not there to accept however, because EVEN she didn't think she'd win!

Ludicrous - SO not my thing!

Jessica Simpson - Insert dumb blonde joke here ________________.

Pussycat Dolls - Win for Best Dance Video... They lost me when they sang "Don't you wish your girlfriend was Hot like me?"... That song makes me want to punch somebody!

Chris Brown - Who? And why wear a bow-tie untied that doesn't match and buddy, PULL UP YOUR PANTS!

OK-GO!!! - Gotta love the quirkiness... This is MTV Old School... If you missed their treadmill dance routine you've just gotta watch it here. I like their music a lot too! Their song 'A Million Ways to be Cruel' is great and the dance routine is too much fun!

Sean White - 'Chairman of the Board'? Huh? Who's he? I thought 'Sinatra' was 'Chairman'?... Somebody's rolling over in their grave right now!

The Guys from Jack-Ass - Do people still think this stuff is entertaining?

Paris Hilton - Of course she didn't sing! There isn't enough sound editing equipment available on a live show, nor in the world, to make her sound good... Thank heaven they didn't try!

All American Rejects - What is it with lead singers that think whining loudly is music?

Nick Lachey & Nicole Ritchey - Nick, could you at least wear a decent shirt with that jacket... Instead of a wrinkled old t-shirt?... Oh, I forgot Jessica isn't dressing you anymore.

Pink - Best Pop Video 'Stupid Girls'... Hooray, a song with a strong, positive message for young women!!... Funny that it won right after Paris and Nicole made an appearance.

Kurt Loder - Face it dude... We've all gotten a lot older since the beginning of MTV... You're right there with the rest of us... So dying your hair some gnarly shade of yellow isn't going to hide it.

Snoop Dogg - Carrying his 'crunk' juice because hey, I guess announcing an award makes a dude thirsty... how lame!

Camillionaire??? - Best Rap Video... They always lose me at this point... I have absolutely no clue unless it's a tune played on a top 40 station.

30 Seconds to Mars, Jarrod Leno & Amy Lee of Evanessence - Very EMO!

All American Rejects (again) - Best Group Video - Move Along... Whiney singer wins moon man and whines throughout acceptance speech... Big surprise!

New catagory for VMA - Ringtone of the Year - Where'd you go... Makes sense to have that playing on your cell... That is, IF you have to have something more than a simple RING to answer your phone. I'm NOT a fancy ringtone person... It's a phone, for heavens sake! I don't need to listen to music to answer a phone and I certainly don't wish to listen to the music of others while I'm around them.

Beyonce - Don't rap, just sing girl! And don't trip on that giant coat you're wearing - Dance routine obviously stolen from Janet Jackson & her Rythym Nation video... Very S&M once that coat came off or 'Cat Woman' take your pick?

Diddy - That's his name THIS week.

King & T.I. - More Rap... Hit mute button and watch to see if these guys can keep there pants from falling off... How do they do it? They must use the same tape J. Lo used to keep that dress on a few years back.

Fall Out Boy - Geeks make it big!

Panic At The Disco - Reminds me of that Net Flix commercial for Romance videos... I think the rappers in the audience are thinking, "What the _________?" And these guys can NOT pull off their music LIVE.

Avenged Sevenfold - Who? Best New Artist in a Video - Bat Country... I guess this is proof that MTV still embraces Metal.

Beyonce & Slim - Best R&B Video... I don't listen to much R&B either.

Video Vanguard Award to Hype Williams, video producer... Involves a lot more rap stuff I'm not at all familiar with... Then what looks like the cast of 'Lion King' enters the theatre and loses me completely... More rap music and cue the mute button.

Missy Elliot - She's involved in this big production for Hype Williams but she comes out wearing a giant hefty bag and I really get confused.

Sarah Silverman - One of my husbands and my favorite female comics... Is it any wonder that sarcasm is rampant in our home?

Christina Aguilera - Finally! Someone who can SING!!.... On second thought that slow sweet sort of song, not her finest work... Loved her dress though!... I think she was trying to channel Jean Harlow.

Lou Reed & Pink - Lou's still alive? Nice to see Pink looking classy!

AFI - Best Rock Video - 'Miss Murder'... Again, the rappers must be thinking, "What the _______!" That dude is wearing his mothers make-up AND eye-lashes... But he doesn't pull it off nearly as well as Dennis Rodman!"

And then... I turned off the t.v. and went to sleep BECAUSE I was disappointed that it wasn't anything like the golden years of the VMA's... I guess the old adage is true... You really can't go home again.
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