Sunday, October 28, 2007

What's 'Eating' Me...

My husband and son are out of town so yesterday just my daughter and I went over to our friends house for dinner. After dinner, Lori offered that we watch a movie together, a new favorite she had just seen and loved and she guessed I would love it too. So the girls (Lori, myself, and our two daughters) all gathered around a little tv in the living room because 'the guys' (Lori's husband and son) were watching 'The Stone's' in concert on DVD... Anyway, we four girls snuggled into the large couch together and proceeded to watch 'What's eating Gilbert Grape'... Which I'd heard was a good movie and Lori couldn't stop gushing about what a fantastic actor Leonardo DiCaprio is.

This is where I should tell you that for the most part Lori and I have completely different taste in movies. I usually dislike all of her favorites and she, more often than not, falls asleep watching all of mine. 'Gilbert Grape' was NO different! Truthfully, other than reading the book, 'She come undone' by, Wally Lamb, I've never been more depressed in my life by something meant to entertain me. Part way through the movie I wanted to slit my own wrists in order to escape the hell that was each and every characters life... Well, except for maybe Juliette Lewis character who seemed the only one to be able to look past the pain of existence and find joy in things like the sky and sunsets and of course Johnny Depp's embrace (but how hard is that?)

Lori's daughter could sense how extremely upsetting this film was to me (she's really good at that sort of thing, which is kind of amazing for a 13 yr. old) and asked, after her mom stepped out of the room, if I wanted her to stop the movie. I said, "Well, not unless something good is going to happen to end the suffering of these characters." To which she replied, "No, it only gets worse."... "Gets WORSE? Then please turn it off now!" When Lori came back in the room and saw that we had stopped the movie she couldn't believe I didn't want to see the rest of it. I explained how I REALLY wanted to like a movie she enjoyed SO much but I just found it so dreadfully depressing that it was quite frankly, making me sick to my stomach. A sickness that was only abated after watching 5 episodes of 'Friends' on the DVD set I got for my birthday, after my daughter and I got home... And hey, if you run across this blog and you don't like 'Friends' but you are a HUGE fan of 'Gilbert Grape' please don't bother sending me hate.

Following the abrupt end to 'Gilbert Grape'... Lori filled me in on the ending and we conversed about how she felt the movie summed up what 'Life' really was for so many people. It's all about suffering and hardship... That all I need do is drive down Main St. in our small town and see the homeless shuffle about to know it is true. I agreed, Yes, there are people who live lives of quiet desperation much like those in town or in the movie. But the notion that they're STUCK there, that there's NO END in sight to this desperation, that little joy is found in waking each day because you're not surrounded by loving, caring and supportive people... I can't watch that... It doesn't entertain me... It reminds me too much of my life growing up.

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Thursday, October 25, 2007


My husband and I were making plans for an anniversary get-away... The key word here is WERE.

Some friends of ours were going to be in New York City at the same time we'd be celebrating our anniversary and we thought, "Hey, what a great opportunity to not only see our friends but take in a show or two and celebrate 24 yrs. together as husband and wife!" Sounds like a SUPER idea, Right? It WAS until I saw the outrageous amount they were asking for one night in the same hotel our friends were staying (on business), $459 A NIGHT!!! So I went through the search engines... Priceline, Orbitz, Trip Advisor, etc. etc. etc. Seems THIS particular hotel is SO special (with solid gold toilet bowls? chocolate cake on your pillow instead of a mint? bell-hops who go by the name of Ramone and offer foot-rubs as you drift off to sleep on a mattress of downy feathers produced by the wings of the angels themselves?) there were NO special deals available... Anywhere!

However, I had told my friend that regardless of the fact NYC hotels are expensive we deserved it! Then I looked into Amtrak fares... Because there's NO WAY either my husband or myself have the cajones to actually DRIVE in NYC. We're what you'd call DEFENSIVE drivers (never had an accident between us, knock on wood *rap* *rap*) as opposed to OFFENSIVE drivers, which is what you HAVE to be in order to survive driving in NYC, which is much like driving in a foreign country, trust me, I've been there, as a passenger, never the designated driver. So anyway, back to Amtrak which came to $219 to Penn Station and back... And I'm not even sure that was for both of us, it might've been only a single fare. 'Round about this point my heart started sinking as I began guessing what we'd have to pay for a 'Nice' dinner and a 'Show'... Our 'Anniversary Celebration', one night away, was turning into a $1,000 proposition. Waaaaay, too much money for we sensible types who are staring down the barrel of our soon to be 18 yr. old son and his 'College Education'... Not only that but my car needs new tires too... Okay, two totally different price ranges I know, but it's still mooola, of which we have a limited supply.

Sooooo, with great trepidation I called our friends and told them our sad news. Though disappointed, they understood completely. So it looks like our anniversary will pass with a nice dinner at our favorite restaurant and a gleeful clink of our glasses, knowing that we've saved ourselves $925.

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Monday, October 22, 2007

Well, where was the last place you saw it?

I am SO notorious for putting something down or engaging in a quick clean-up that results putting something in a place I'll never find again. Frankly, it frustrates me to the point of madness... That's right, just put me in a home, because the brain has evidently begun to check out and it's better I'm somewhere safe where I can't do any more harm.

Yesterday I went on a 'FRANTIC' search for the instruction manual for my new camera. I vowed after last weeks fumbling with all the different buttons and windows whilst attempting to take pictures at the Renaissance Fair, that I would take the time to sit down and figure out this pain in the ass electronic box of mystery... But alas, even though I looked in the same spot I THOUGHT I'd last put it, no less than 23 times, I never found it. Then I expanded my search for the little 5x7 booklet. I went through the office, my bedroom, the kitchen, the basement, drawers, desks, baskets, my car... Get the picture? Well I can't because I can't find the manual for my damn camera! I DID however locate the box the camera was housed in when I purchased it and guess what? It has a manual in it... A manual written entirely in ESPANOL!!! Guess I didn't think I'd need to go about losing that one because I can't read it.

There are apparently tutorials and manuals online for the camera so I guess I'll have to go that route. If however, I'm off somewhere trying to take a picture, like my husband, daughter and I did yesterday... I'm gonna have to rely on my memory and I already KNOW that's served me SO well!

A 'lucky' shot from yesterdays practice photo session.


Thursday, October 18, 2007

Wearing it in style...

My mother always said, "For every gray hair you pull, 5 more will come to it's funeral. "
I'm not sure when the service starts but I know it'll be WELL attended.

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Wednesday, October 17, 2007


Saturday was Community Yard Sale day... I HATE Yard Sales, especially my own. There's nothing more humiliating to me than placing what was once a much loved treasure on a table in my driveway, then have some cheap dipstick pick it up with a smidge of interest and a face full of disgust and ask me, "How much?" Only to roll there eyes and drop said item like a hot potato, after I quote them a price 30 times less than what I paid for it... Then there's the folks who can't even take the time to exit their vehicle... These folks simply go for the slo-mo drive by and sneer... As if to say, "Keep movin' Cletus, thar aint nothin' but shit here!"

HOWEVER, the yard sale we had this Saturday wasn't quite as bad because according to a lot of the people who stopped by, we had "Some nice stuff!" Particularly my friend Lori's 'stuff'... I should mention that the people who complimented our 'stuff' always had their backs to my particular table laden with cast-off gems whenever they tossed out compliments, but I didn't take it personally, oh no, not me.

It's unfortunate that the yard sale was necessary for my friend Lori to try to sell off items belonging to her mother who was recently moved to a small room at an Alzheimer's facility... Quite simply there's just no room for all of the antiques, doo-dads, hoo-haws and whatnots...


I found something that I'm holding near and dear to my heart for ever and ever... Lori bestowed it on my without even having to pay for it, even though I would've been happy to give her my left foot for such a treasure... Behold, my 'Big Tittied, Finely Crafted, Sexy, Rubber, Belly Dancer Doll'

Crank the little rod in her base and she undulates the top half of her body. Is she not glorious? True, her breasts appear to have been fondled one too many times by someone with dirty, dirty hands and probably a dirty, dirty mind too, but I think a bit of mild soap and water will clean her up nicely.

Oh, and the other treasure I picked among the 'stuff'... I say, 'STUFF' because that's what Lori insisted on calling it... I however, referred to it all as 'Shit' or 'Crap'... But it's true that one mans 'Shit', 'Crap' or even 'Stuff' can be another mans 'Treasure' and this, this I consider a treasure simply for the joke factor...
So if anyone wants to prank call me, I'll be able to say "YES, I HAVE Prince Albert in a Can! and NO, I won't let him out!"

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Looky Loo's

We went to the Renaissance Fair (Faire?) on Sunday.

My husband was happy because he got to ogle sights like this:

A Saucy Wench

As for me, I got to indulge my 'Lord of the Rings' fantasies, looking at guys like this:


I know, it's kind of a reach... But there's a little bit of Orlando Bloom there if you blur your eyes a bit... Or maybe it's just the hair.


Monday, October 15, 2007


Son: Happy Birthday Mom, have a great day!

Me: Thanks, I plan to vacuum... but I'll try.

Son: Oh, could you wash my whites... I'm all out of underwear and socks.

Me: Sure, vacuum AND do laundry... Got it!

Son: Oh, and are you planning on going grocery shopping today too?

Me: No, I think I've got enough fun to fill my GREAT day.

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Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Things you learn while grocery shopping...

I nearly forgot to mention the woman who struck up a conversation with me today in the dairy aisle at the grocery store. I was standing there deciding on what flavor yogurt to purchase when she reached over me and grabbed 'Activa' brand yogurt and asked, "Have you ever tried this?" To which I replied, "No, I always buy this brand because it only has 11 carbs." Then she added, "Well this stuff is great because sometimes I get... well, irregular and this helps straighten everything out." "Good to know." I said. Because how does one reply to a conversation like that with a complete stranger?

I guess I should be relieved we weren't in the feminine hygiene aisle.

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Who's your hubby?

Conversation between my husband and I, whilst watching HGTV and relaxing after a VERY busy weekend.

Me: "It's getting late, we'd better go pick the boy up from school."

Husband: "Ya, but how 'bout I go pick him up so you can rest and watch your show."

Me: Arguing with myself as to whether it would be nicer to lay there and continue to relax or share a car ride with my husband. "Ummmm, Okay... No wait, I'll go with you. I'm not married to watching this show... I AM however married to you!"


Monday, October 08, 2007

Grapes Anyone?

There hasn't been much time for blogging lately as I spent the last week planning and executing a family event... The 4th Annual Jerry Blystone Memorial Golf Tournament. It's a party which honors my father-in-law who in life, absolutely loved Golf, Family & Food. Since food is also rather near and dear to my heart, I like to spend the weeks leading up to the event researching new and unique ideas for meeting my guests gastric needs, which because it's an all day event must include Breakfast Fare, Snacks & Nibblers for the non-golfing crowd, Main course BBQ food and to round it all out, an array of Desserts.

There's the 'Classics' which are always on the menu... Namely, Spinach Dip in a bread bowl with bread and veggies for dipping (with this crowd a double batch is always a necessity.) The first year I believe we went with the 'classic' burger and dog BBQ but we've since broadened our pallets and now serve Marinated London Broil (in my own secret sauce) along with Grilled Sausages served with onions and peppers on rolls. Hungry yet? I'm not... She who spends the time preparing all the food tends to be rather underwhelmed when it comes time to eat it... Plus, spending the afternoon eating a gallon of Spinach Dip and bread leaves one completely stuffed come 'the real food'.

Anyway, I had time to take one picture before the party started, it's of the edible centerpiece I made for breakfast. I found it in 'Taste of Home' magazine and thought it would make a nice addition to the party.

Behold the cascading tower of fruit (mostly grapes)

Pretty, dontcha think? It was great fun to assemble, though I had to rise from my bed at o' dark thirty to make sure it was ready in time. However, there's one problem with this thing of beauty... I've got so many grapes left over I could start my own winery! Yes, folks picked at it but I had to purchase 10 lbs. of grapes to cover the damn styrofoam... 10 LBS!!! I mean, I like grapes and all but eat too many and well, you know? So anyone out there have any suggestions for all these extra grapes? If so, let me know.

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Monday, October 01, 2007

Fleeting Summer Memories...

Since it is ALREADY October, I thought I'd post a couple of pictures from our 'End O' Summer Vacation'... Maybe the memories will help me weather the cold winter months.

My daughter readies her camera for the onset of the sunrise over the ocean.

The beginning of a new day... How she holds that position without her legs giving out I'll never know.
My adorable niece, is there anything cuter than a butt-cheek bikini?

Where does the time go?