The Fear of a Failing Memory

The other day I made up a grocery list.
At the very top of the list I wrote 'Paper Towels.'
I went to the grocery store WITHOUT a pen to scratch off the items I had listed as I put them in the cart.
By the time I'd reached the paper goods aisle, I'd completely forgotten what I needed and didn't look at the top of my list.
While walking down the paper aisle, a nagging feeling pulled at the back of my brain. Something was telling me I needed an item from this aisle... But what could it be?
Ultimately I picked up parchment paper, which I had used up about a month ago but very seldom need.

Parchment paper is NOT an adequate substitute for paper towels.

I fear my family will be putting me in 'The Home' in the not too distant future.

Post-Vacation Blech, Bluey, Blahs

My current mood can only be chalked up to the reality bitch-slap of not being in California anymore. Sure, the first week home was all about getting back the 3 hours I lost but this second week? Well, it's just kicking my ass with all the mediocrity. Mowing the lawn made me a little happy because I actually expended some energy and I took some pride in beautifying the landscape around the house. Paying the bills made me feel like I'd achieved keeping us out of debtors prison for yet another month. Grocery shopping only made me pleased to have milk on hand again. Today, getting the bathrooms scrubbed down filled me with the glorious joy one feels at not having to stare down shower scum whilst trying to bathe. However, I'm sorry to say that none of these tasks bring me even an ounce of the pleasure I felt in California... Even as I sat waiting for numerous traffic lights to change.Don't be fooled, it's a rare occasion that even ONE traffic light is green, let alone ALL of them.

And what am I going to do if I need Liquor & Clothes at the same time?

"Hello" Liquor - Long Beach, California

The Summer Of Gluttony

It was inevitable. What could I expect after all those BBQ's, Sweet Cobs of Corn dripping with butter, Ice Cream, Iced Coffees, Thick icey cool Milkshakes... It's all come back to bite me in the... or perhaps I should say, "Round out my ass."

Today, the 'Fat Pants' came down from the shelf in the back of my closet... And as I sit here typing, they continue to mock me.

"Told you so.... Told you so.... Told you so... Told you so...."

But I Feel Like I Know You...

This past Thursday I had the unique opportunity to meet one of my favorite blogger friends face to face. It was fun, she was sweet and gracious and I am grateful she would even consider taking time away from her vacation to spend listening to me babble on... Which is exactly what I did.

As always, when I'm unsure of myself, I revisit the event and agonize over my ineptitude... Which is what I've been doing for the past 2 1/2 days. You see, when I'm nervous I have this really annoying habit of exposing too much... Not physically (though that might be nearly as uncomfortable to witness) but in a personal way. For example, on our first date I told my husband my entire life story, sordid details of my dysfunctional upbringing, insane family members and all. Amazingly and gratefully enough, he continued to ask me out and eventually married me, despite my lack of restraint and my crazy family. My lunch with Lime, followed pretty much the same script. I guess I kind of lay it all out there as a bi-product of a take me or leave me attitude. Also, over time, I've left some rather cryptic comments on her blog regarding my past and assumed it was important to fill in the blanks. But here's the WORST part. Because I didn't want to come off as an 'It's All About Me' person, I asked her questions regarding some of her more personal blog posts... Because hey, after a couple years of reading her blog, well, I feel like I know her... Oh please, just shoot me now! I probably coerced her into sharing more of her private self with me than she dared, yet she was reciprocal and interesting the whole time.

You know NORMALLY, face to face, I think I can be pretty humorous, albeit in a rather sarcastic way. So I ask myself, why didn't I stick with laughable topics like boob jobs, bowling girls & why I'm afraid of the drive-thru car wash? Instead I got all dark and heavy with my topics of conversation. Then to make matters worse, I bragged about how wonderful my kids are... Ya, that's the kiss of death. Nothing bores another mother to tears more, than having to listen to someone yammer on about their precious darlings. Not that I ever refer to my son and daughter as 'precious' or 'darling' but I might've spent a bit too much time listing their merits. However, once again my dear blogger friend smiled and engaged me in the conversation and though she may not know it, I really DID enjoy getting the opportunity to learn more about her and her family.

So, there it is folks! What it's like to meet me face to face. Line forms to the right.... What, no takers?... Yep, I don't blame you.

All I Really Wanted...

The other day my daughter and I ran to the W to the M... That's right, Wal-Mart for a birthday gift. We parked near the garden center because most people heading to our local Wal-Mart don't seem particularly concerned about plants... The busiest section of the store are the grocery aisles, which is why I typically don't buy my groceries there. But I digress...

Anyway, as we made our way through the garden section we ran across a lovely patio set. Beautiful table, six stylish chairs. It was perfect! At $286 it was a steal! I however will not make a decision on anything over $100 without first consulting with my husband... Very soon I fear, it's going to be much more difficult to buy gas... I quit consulting with him over groceries, year ago. So my daughter and I decided this was the set to talk with dad about. Our current patio furniture can only be described as Mismatch-Urban-Tackiness-Less-The-Umbrella, which blew out of the table and into our neighbors yard so many times it became a twisted mass of wire and fabric... We finally chucked it at the end of the last summer season.

My friends, it's time to chuck the faded Rubbermaid chairs and the stained, crusty glass topped table that currently craps up my deck! So last night, following dinner we went out with our friends to look at the lovely patio set my daughter and I had spied on Saturday... IT.... WAS.... GONE! And in its place was a set, while equally as nice was on the hairy side of too big! So what next? Home Depot!... My husband said he'd seen a set there which had just been reduced... "Nice set but why is this swivel chair all twisted and bent out of shape?" I said... "Um, because it's crap!"... So it was off to Lowes... We walk into the store and see one set. The price tag suggested that only the Gottrocks Family shops at Lowes. Dejected, we walk out of the store and notice they have a section in front of the store, hidden in the dark, featuring more patio furniture. We note a couple possibilities but nothing that screams "PICK ME! PICK ME!" Then our friends suggest we check out 'K to the M'... So we schlepp through K-Mart. The size of our deck once again becomes an issue and my hopes of procuring a comfortable & classy patio set are dashed upon the rocks of despair (I know, I'm such a Sarah Bernhardt.)

Once we return home we all discuss putting on a new deck, adding to the existing deck, moving to a different house or the possibility of my husband building deck furniture. When the conversation led to a discussion of somehow swapping the sliding glass door to open from the opposite side... Well, it all just became too much for me. All I really wanted were comfy chairs, a clean table big enough to sit 6 and a fresh umbrella for shade. As is usually the case with these decisions, this time next year we'll still be sitting at the same tired table, in the same faded chairs.

My husband and I just may die surrounded by all the riches from decisions we're incapable of making.

But I Feel Fine...

There's a portion of road in the town I live in that travels right through the heart of what I like to refer to as 'Mayberry RFD'... The speed limit through this particular area is a painstaking crawl of 25 mph and it's strictly enforced. Along this stretch of road are some of the most beautiful Victorian Manor homes I've ever seen, which I guess alleviates some of the hassle of the slow drive.

Along the route to my home I pass a grand old Funeral Home, it's housed in the largest Victorian of them all. As I passed the home today, (crawling along behind a county truck who took the 25 mph speed limit presumably so much to heart, the driver decided not to top 20) I noticed 3 men standing in front of the funeral home in their standard issue dark suits affixed with name badges. They were quite obviously preparing for the next gathering of grieving family and friends. Side note here, I don't have much use for the funeral industry. Books I've read lead me to believe the majority prey on the emotions of their clients for profit. As for me, freeze dry my body, break it into pieces and use it to fertilize a tree or something... On second thought I've never been very good with plants, so just incinerate me and let the ashes fall where they may... I'll be dead, trust me, I won't care.

So back to the purpose of this post... As I'm crawling along in my car one of the funeral directors makes eye contact with me (YES, I was going THAT slow!)... It was the creepiest look EVER and it didn't help matters any that I was returning home from a doctor's appointment. I'd swear the only way to interpret the look this man, in his black suit and badge gave me was, "You're next!" or "See you soon!" or "I've got my eye on you!" or "Stop on in, I've got a sweet deal for you on the 'Meet Your Maker' package." The latter proposed in a very dour, ominous, prepare to meet your doom kind of way.... I wanted to shout out, "No REALLY, I feel FINE!"

Is This Thing On?

Friends and Family have flattered me with compliments on my photography skills. When I tell them I'm not really all that good at it, that I really owe it all to a good camera, set on AUTO... I'm told I'm just being modest.

Well folks, here's proof that I don't really know what the hell I'm doing... And if every once in a while I end up with a nice shot, it really is all about the camera... Not the dolt behind it.

What's 'Eating' Me...

My husband and son are out of town so yesterday just my daughter and I went over to our friends house for dinner. After dinner, Lori offered that we watch a movie together, a new favorite she had just seen and loved and she guessed I would love it too. So the girls (Lori, myself, and our two daughters) all gathered around a little tv in the living room because 'the guys' (Lori's husband and son) were watching 'The Stone's' in concert on DVD... Anyway, we four girls snuggled into the large couch together and proceeded to watch 'What's eating Gilbert Grape'... Which I'd heard was a good movie and Lori couldn't stop gushing about what a fantastic actor Leonardo DiCaprio is.

This is where I should tell you that for the most part Lori and I have completely different taste in movies. I usually dislike all of her favorites and she, more often than not, falls asleep watching all of mine. 'Gilbert Grape' was NO different! Truthfully, other than reading the book, 'She come undone' by, Wally Lamb, I've never been more depressed in my life by something meant to entertain me. Part way through the movie I wanted to slit my own wrists in order to escape the hell that was each and every characters life... Well, except for maybe Juliette Lewis character who seemed the only one to be able to look past the pain of existence and find joy in things like the sky and sunsets and of course Johnny Depp's embrace (but how hard is that?)

Lori's daughter could sense how extremely upsetting this film was to me (she's really good at that sort of thing, which is kind of amazing for a 13 yr. old) and asked, after her mom stepped out of the room, if I wanted her to stop the movie. I said, "Well, not unless something good is going to happen to end the suffering of these characters." To which she replied, "No, it only gets worse."... "Gets WORSE? Then please turn it off now!" When Lori came back in the room and saw that we had stopped the movie she couldn't believe I didn't want to see the rest of it. I explained how I REALLY wanted to like a movie she enjoyed SO much but I just found it so dreadfully depressing that it was quite frankly, making me sick to my stomach. A sickness that was only abated after watching 5 episodes of 'Friends' on the DVD set I got for my birthday, after my daughter and I got home... And hey, if you run across this blog and you don't like 'Friends' but you are a HUGE fan of 'Gilbert Grape' please don't bother sending me hate.

Following the abrupt end to 'Gilbert Grape'... Lori filled me in on the ending and we conversed about how she felt the movie summed up what 'Life' really was for so many people. It's all about suffering and hardship... That all I need do is drive down Main St. in our small town and see the homeless shuffle about to know it is true. I agreed, Yes, there are people who live lives of quiet desperation much like those in town or in the movie. But the notion that they're STUCK there, that there's NO END in sight to this desperation, that little joy is found in waking each day because you're not surrounded by loving, caring and supportive people... I can't watch that... It doesn't entertain me... It reminds me too much of my life growing up.