A Quandary

Our dog Anna is getting old...However, that doesn't stop her from becoming an unbearable nudge EVERY morning over going for a walk... And her favorite spot is 'The Walking Park.' The minute she sees me fill the water bottle and grab the leash she bounds over to the front door, tail wagging furiously and whimpering pathetically. She can scarcely hold her shit together until she's in the van, perched on the back seat and if we don't get there fast enough, she starts whimpering again.

Now this is all well and good UNTIL, we get about halfway through the walk. Then her advanced age begins to take its toll and I start to look like as big an A-Hole as Michael Vic, dragging my poor gimpy dog around the park, trailing 5 feet behind me.

Would you think me EVIL if you saw me walking a dog that looked like this? (Advance to :28 and again at 6:32 and again at 7:34 and there you have Anna, my very own Lassie Come Home.) What am I supposed to do? Leave her at the door, sad and dejected? I'm hardly getting a workout when after the first mile and a half I'm slowing to a crawl and turning around every minute or so to play out a scene from 'Brian's Song' saying, "C'mon, you can make it!" All while others walk past me either looking at Anna with pity or to me with contempt.

I could walk her around our neighborhood but I'm here to tell you that my old dog would still feel slighted if I left her behind. I'm thinking maybe I'll try to walk her in the evenings at the park, along with my husband who also complains that I walk too fast for his liking.

As for my Kick-Ass I-Pod Shuffle Song of the Day:
So OK, THIS song has a really kick-ass beat that seriously got me pumped and moving when I otherwise felt like dragging. I seriously doubt however, this would be one of Anna's favorite tunes. I wonder though, if they'd consider selling doggy I-Pods? Hmmmmmmm?

Mister Harumph!

I want to get a puppy.

There, I said it. I want to get a puppy! What? I have my reasons. Our lab Anna, you see, is getting up there in years. She's getting gimpy. Hey, don't look at me like that! It's not like I'm looking to replace her... NO SIREE! What I'd like to do is introduce some youthful exuberance into her life. I also worry that someday (hopefully many years from now) when she eventually leaves us for that big giant field in the sky, where she can run completely unleased to her hearts content, yeah, that place up there known as doggie heaven... Well, I know the void she leaves will be unbearable. I purpose another dog might be able to fill a small space in that void. Not only that, but I think a new pup will add a whole new element of love to our lives.

I want this new family member to be a small puppy for a few reasons.

1. I believe Anna will be more accepting of a pup. She's an alpha-female when she gets around other dogs and I definitly want another female. If she can establish herself as the alpha-female with a pup, who isn't old enough to challenge that, then I feel the transition will go much more smoothly.
2. Puppies are easier to train. Anna had the bad habit of running away when we got her at 10 months old from the SPCA and whatever traumas she encountered before she came to us, created a deep neurosis in her we've never been able to break through. With a new pup we can be fully responsible for any traumas we create.
   
3. I'm home, I've got time, energy and patience enough to do the whole pup training thing.
4. The kids really want a pup (yeah, I know... Big surprise.)
   
5. Puppies are so damn cute!

Enter my husband, Mr. Harumph! "Why would you want to introduce an unknown factor into this house?" "Who knows what kind of damage a puppy will do?" "What, who, why, where?"

We had a family meeting in where we discussed all the possibilities we could think of which might make for this being a good or a bad decision. I've spoken with our cousin who is the 'Canine Specialist' in the family. I've been doing some reading on integrating a new pet into a family with an elder dog... And I've got a call into our vet to get her opinion and to ask if she could keep her eyes open for any lab/retriever pups that might need a good home. We're not AKC people. We're save a mutt people. We just like to be sure the mutt is of a breed mix we've found to be the most amiable to our lifestyle.

Mr. Harumph! hasn't really given his approval. He just gave the same answer he gave me when we got our first dogs (2 lab/spaniel mix puppies from the pound... I should note we were there looking for one adult dog.) and that answer was, "Well, I guess it's up to you... but you know how I feel.... harumph!" I hate when he does that because it always leaves me feeling that tinge of guilt and anytime there's a tinge of guilt associated with any of my decisions, I can never feel 100% good about them. Besides, I think he gives me that answer just so he can reserve the right to say, "I told you so." whenever he sees fit.

Mr. Harumph, ineed!

Feeling Pretty & Dog Prognosis

The good news, Anna, our dog seems to be okay... Well, as far as we know anyway. Her blood work came back with no adverse results. Making it appear that she is healthy as a horse, wait, is that possible?... A horse? There's still a matter of the results from the lab on the tissue sample that was taken, but the vet strongly believes the lump is due to a sound bump she sustained to her back. How might this have happened you ask? No, I don't beat my dog... However, my dog has the habit of completely freaking herself out due to thunder, lightning, fireworks, odd noises, bumps in the night, bumps in the daytime, loss of electricity.... Oh, I could go on... She's just one big psychotic mess! There's a possibility that during one of her freak out sessions she tried to squeeze her body into a spot where it didn't quite fit and therefore suffered the trauma to her back... A $445 trauma to her back... Thanks Anna, there went the flat screen television for my bedroom.

In other news, the make-up session was a success. I have to admit I was rather hoping for a consult with a make-up ARTIST rather than a make-up salesperson, but I'm not sure how to go about finding one of those. What I mean is, the lady who worked with us knew her products but I was hoping she could give some insight as the best way for my daughter to wear her make-up... I guess I've watched too many episodes of 'What Not To Wear' on TLC. I'm always fascinated how a good make-up artist knows how to play up a good feature.

Perhaps the most hilarious part of the whole make-over was what an idiot I must've looked like. Anytime the salesperson told my daughter how to apply a particular product, like blush for instance, I would contort my face in kind... Smiling, so as to reveal the apple of my cheeks, raising my eyebrows for proper shadow application, puckering my lips, etc. I just couldn't help myself! And you know if YOU were there, YOU would've done the same exact thing!

Despite the lack of formal face shaping expertise on the part of the saleslady at Merle Norman she did manage to help us find some lovely shades of foundation, blush and eye shadows that compliment my daughters skin. I don't know if she left there glowing more from the make-up or from the new found confidence she felt over having someone fawn over her "gorgeous long lashes" and "beautiful brown eyes." All in all it was a worthwhile experience and I look forward to seeing how she's going to look all dressed up for the family wedding next weekend, as she seems to be saving all of the items we purchased for the special occasion.

To Better Health

This morning my daughter the Health Nazi... Uh, I mean Health Manager... Had us rising at 7:00 am for a 2 mile morning walk in the hot humid air. Okay, it turned out to be much more of a meander but it's our first day back from many long weeks of lazing in bed until all hours.

We did a LOT of walking yesterday in search of that outfit for the family wedding. We were both wearing sandals which do a poor job of supporting my feet and apparently hers also, as she was complaining of pain up the front of her leg (Shin splint... at her age?) So before we walked this morning I made sure she changed into walking shoes AND showed her how to stretch... C'mon, she's 15 and the idea of stretching never entered her vocabulary... Well guess what? achy shins, now it does! I shouldn't brag here but I can touch my toes, she can't... So Nyah!

Anyway, 2 miles... We take the dog and she's all happy, 'cause she loves a good walk. We get home, stretch... I mean, I stretch again and after we sit down and start petting the dog my daughter notices a big... BIG lump on her back... Something we've never noticed before and we pet her ALL the time! I feel the lump and an ominous thought immediately jumps into my head... Tumor? I don't want to worry my daughter but I don't want to make light of it either so I tell her we should make an appointment. Poor, Poor Anna... She's had a rough month, what with the anal gland problem, Fireworks going off at any given time, Thunderstorms (a 3 hour long doozy last night) and now this? The poor dog is just wrung out!

We got an appointment for the vet and he aspirated the lump. Now we're waiting for lab results and hoping everything is okay. The vet had to shave a little square out of Anna's lovely fur (not to mention shave a $445 hole in our bank account) for the procedure and every time I look at her I wince and try to dog whisper to her to let me know if she's feeling pain and also let me know if there's anything I can do. I'm not sure the 'Dog Whispering' thing is working but she's sure loving all the extra attention. Now I must go and apply a cold pack to my dogs back... Sure beats administering the warm compresses to her anal glands.

Not for the Squeamish... Including ME!

So, what's new you ask?

Well, I've pretty much been awake since around 2:00am.

Why, you say? Are you ill? Are the kids okay? What's wrong? You ask.

Well, two things actually... I love my dog and I'm trying to save the carpet.
Let me explain...

Yesterday afternoon my daughter pointed out an anomaly with our dogs er, um, butt... There, I said it... Butt, her BUTT! Nothing too terrible, just kind of swollen. I'd been meaning to contact a vet in our area who, I heard, does house calls and since our 'Anna' needs to have her shots updated I thought I'd give their office a call. I was instructed to leave a message which went something like this:

"Hi, my name is _____________, I'm the owner of a 9 yr. old psychotic lab who needs a check-up could you please return my call so we can set up an appointment."

When the gal called me back she was already laughing. While I had her on the phone I mentioned that not only did Anna need her shots but something seemed to going on with her uh, Butt. The receptionist asked me if she'd ever experienced problems with her 'anal glands'... "Uh, gee NO, we've had her since she was a puppy... Nope, never heard anyone mention her 'Anal Glands' before now." The receptionist told me the doctor would check it out when she came for the visit.

Fast forward to roughly 7:00pm last night... My daughter, who apparently spends more time than the rest of us checking out our dogs er, um, Butt... Points out the now bulbous dark red thing protruding out of poor Anna's backside. Are you wincing yet? Because I am still... In fact, my face has frozen into a perpetual wince... It's not pretty folks... None of this is! So I decide to search the web for more information and find this. (warning: click at your own risk. For you also may incur a perpetual wince.)

So last night I went to bed trying to put the image of poor Anna's butt out of my head so I could get some sleep.

Fast forward to 2:00am, when I hear a knock upon my bedroom door and my son says, "Mom, you better take a look at Anna, she's bleeding all over the place." Ahhhhhh CRAP! I shot out of bed and went straight to my sons room, where Anna likes to sleep at night. She indeed had blood on her backside, though the sack (thank heaven) hadn't ruptured. So my son and I laid an old blanket on the floor for her, but not before she sat her bloody but on the beige carpet. So, 2:00am janitorial services were required. Now here's the part about how much I love my dog. I grabbed my pillow from my room, made a pile of blankets next to Anna and lay down beside her and rubbed her head and her belly for the rest of the night... Well, until 6:30, that's when she decided she just couldn't handle not being in her favorite morning spot... Against the sliding glass door off the deck keeping a lookout for rogue squirrels.

I think I dozed a couple of times but mainly I spent that early morning hours trying my best to keep her from licking herself. If she's given a chance to keep worrying that thing it's going to burst and then we'll REALLY have a mess on our hands.... Ha, Ha, HA,! I said, WE... We'll really have a mess... Like anybody else around here would clean it up! HA, HA, HA!

So here I am, sitting, watch over my dog... Anytime she even moves her head I tell her "NO, don't lick!" She keeps giving me a look that says, "Would you just leave me the hell alone already!" The vet is scheduled to visit at 4:00pm but I don't know if I can wait that long, so I intend to call at a reasonable hour, is 9:00am too early? My dog has the canine equivalent of a HUGE, NASTY Hemorrhoid and I can't stop wincing!... HELP!

Note: That's a picture of Anna at the top of the page. I really couldn't bear the thought of taking a pic of her while she feels so miserable... I most certainly wouldn't want anyone taking one of my under similar circumstances.

UPDATE: We've been to the local VCA as recommended by the home visiting vet and Anna does indeed have an impacted anal gland. She now sports a trimly shaved bottom and has been administered antibiotics... Along with some pills which she'll receive wrapped in cheese (See Anna, every dark cloud DOES have a silver lining!) The real challenge now is trying to keep her in the kitchen on the tile floor and off the carpets throughout the rest of the house. If you know me and the layout of my house... Well, you can understand just how difficult this is going to be. btw: I'm becoming a regular Florence Nightingale as I have the delicate job of administering warm compresses to my dogs ass until the swelling goes down... Yay ME!

Whatever happened to... Anna Banana Sunday?

It's been a long while since I've posted a pic of Anna... So here goes -

It's an unfortunate fact that there might not be many more pics of Anna Banana... Oh don't worry, she's feeling fine... We haven't fed her any tainted dog food (as far as we know?) and she's still wagging her tail and licking the dishwasher door as I load dirty dishes.

Our problem is quite simply, Anna has recently exhibited camera phobia. All she has to hear is the case being opened and she'll run and hide. The picture above was taken under extreme duress... See how she turns her face away and pretends I'm not there? We think this phenomenon began when the flash was used to photograph her. In case you didn't know already, Anna is wacko-crazy terrifed of thunderstorms. You've heard of 'Chicken Little'?... Anna is 'Chicken Fur Butt'... All of our attempts to persuade her that NO, the sky is not falling, have little effect on the drooling, shivering pile of goo she becomes when she believes that death is imminent. For Anna, flash photography seems to be the newest prognosticator that the end of the world is nigh.

We're gonna try working on this phobia. It'll take time and baby steps and a definite reduction in low light setting photos... But for now just think of her as camera shy.

Anna Banana Sunday - On The Bed... Again!

Hey, it's warm... it's comfortable... I'm a DOG, that's what I DO!

Anna Banana Sunday - Keeping Warm

We just hope she doesn't burn her face off.

Anna Banana Sunday

I won't beg... Okay, yes I will!

Anna Banana Sunday - In A Happy Place

Everyone needs a sunny spot... Anna's is wherever the sun streams through the window for the longest period of time.

Hope you find your 'sunny spot' this week!

Anna Banana Sunday - Squirrel Patrol

Anna Keeps those pesky critters from stealing the bird seed and plundering the planters on our deck... A stalwart sentinel, on guard to leap and attack... All she needs is someone ready to open the door!

What? I'm just doin' my job!