16 Miles and what do you get?

From Monday to Friday, I walked over 16 miles this week and last night I realized the one thing thinner on me is my ring finger (my wedding band nearly falls right off)... Yes, my FREAKING RING FINGER!!!

WTF???

And don't you dare say it's because of the Panini's... Don't you DARE!

*I know what the billboard is saying, and it doesn't have anything to do with losing weight in my ring finger but I still think it's hilarious.

A Quandary

Our dog Anna is getting old...However, that doesn't stop her from becoming an unbearable nudge EVERY morning over going for a walk... And her favorite spot is 'The Walking Park.' The minute she sees me fill the water bottle and grab the leash she bounds over to the front door, tail wagging furiously and whimpering pathetically. She can scarcely hold her shit together until she's in the van, perched on the back seat and if we don't get there fast enough, she starts whimpering again.

Now this is all well and good UNTIL, we get about halfway through the walk. Then her advanced age begins to take its toll and I start to look like as big an A-Hole as Michael Vic, dragging my poor gimpy dog around the park, trailing 5 feet behind me.

Would you think me EVIL if you saw me walking a dog that looked like this? (Advance to :28 and again at 6:32 and again at 7:34 and there you have Anna, my very own Lassie Come Home.) What am I supposed to do? Leave her at the door, sad and dejected? I'm hardly getting a workout when after the first mile and a half I'm slowing to a crawl and turning around every minute or so to play out a scene from 'Brian's Song' saying, "C'mon, you can make it!" All while others walk past me either looking at Anna with pity or to me with contempt.

I could walk her around our neighborhood but I'm here to tell you that my old dog would still feel slighted if I left her behind. I'm thinking maybe I'll try to walk her in the evenings at the park, along with my husband who also complains that I walk too fast for his liking.

As for my Kick-Ass I-Pod Shuffle Song of the Day:
So OK, THIS song has a really kick-ass beat that seriously got me pumped and moving when I otherwise felt like dragging. I seriously doubt however, this would be one of Anna's favorite tunes. I wonder though, if they'd consider selling doggy I-Pods? Hmmmmmmm?

Sand Blasted

Last night, after an amazing, family prepared dinner, of ribs, potato salad, coleslaw, fruit salad and corn on the cob (beach eating, at its finest) my sister-in-law and I mutually agreed that if we were to partake with wretched excess, we must also exercise with wretched excess. So we laced up our sneakers and off we went a mile or so down surface streets to a pod of high-rise condos. After working our way through the parking lot at the far side of the buildings we located a beach access and made our way out across the sand. Did we walk the shore line along the hard packed sand? Hell No! The REAL workout is the walk through the mounds of loose sand... And I'm here to tell you, even my ARMS hurt today... My ARMS??? How can that even be possible?

Singing It's Praises...

I've said it before, I'll say it again... Forget Tae Bo, Forget Nordic Trac and forget that overly tan, super toned, blonde haired, goofy guy with the pony tail, trying to sell you the latest fitness apparatus for your home... You know who I mean:It's just my opinion, but I think the greatest invention to get one motivated is the I-Pod Shuffle. BUT, you can't use those stupid little paddle type earbuds, oh no... You gotta use the buds that sit directly in your ear canal so NO OTHER sound but the tune of a pounding beat is blasting straight into your brain... And, it's GOTTA be a POUDING beat!

I know it might sound like I'm being fecetious... I'm not, I'm completely serious, when I say I LOVE my 'Shuffle.' I have to admit though, it's immensely difficult NOT to break into song while I'm walking... However, I figure, since I already look like a complete dufus, half-way bustin' a move as I make my way around the walking park trail, I'd prefer to not have the authorities apprehend me for the crime of being a complete asshole because I'm singing BADLY at the top of my lungs. So, instead I just move my lips to the music. I save my singing out loud for my kids at home... Yeah, they love it!

Now, every time I exercise there's ONE song that really gets me pumped. I keep my 'Shuffle'... well, on shuffle, so I never know what song that'll end up being. I can always feel that song of the day, the minute it begins to play. The SONG brings on a major adreneline rush and I actually get goose bumps (even though I'm usually sweating like a one legged man at an ass kicking convention.) I can feel my hair sort of stand on end and a smile spreads across my face, like I'm the only one in on the worlds greatest secret. I just feel sorry for anyone walking past me who isn't in my head at that very moment. Any of you ever feel that way when you're listening to your I-pod?

So when todays song began to play I thought I'd add to my blog...
'The Ass Kickin', Foot Poundin', Lip Syncin', I-Pod Shuffle Song of the Day'
Better known as TAKFPLSIPSSOTD...
Yeah, I know it doesn't spell anything... You got any better names?

Anywho, rather than list right out what the TAKFP.... blah! blah! blah!... song is, I'll leave a little hint and then you (my 3 readers) can click to see if you were able to figure it out. Sound like fun?

Okay, here's today's TAK....SS....OTD:

A tiny little thing but DAMN, this artist has a set of pipes and boy can she blow... There just aint no other like her.

The Season of Wretched Excess Draws to a Close

Before someone asks me, "When are you due?" I'm announcing TO-DAY that this is IT! My season of wretched excess has come to a close. I'm putting this out to the universe because I know if I keep something like this bottled up in my head, it's a lot easier for temptation to get the best of me and no one is the wiser... Except for that little nagging imp in my head and she's pretty easy to shut up with a bowl of chocolate ice cream.

SO, today I started a food diary... AGAIN*... And I'm about ready to head out to the store to purchase a new bathroom scale because the one we've got... that fancy digital gadget... it broke about a month after we got it. So I'll just blame all this extra girth on the bathroom scale.............. Nah, I know it's my fault. I know I haven't turned down an extra helping of well, ANYTHING, for the last several months.

Why now? Why today? Because last night as I sat down with a magazine and a generous helping of leftover chocolate cake, every damn article in the magazine was about weight management...
For instance: 'Conquer What You CRAVE'... 'The Mother Load - Sometimes it's hard to solve food issues until you untangle them from Mom issues'... 'Don't Eat Out (Without Reading This)'... And the most obnoxious of all, 'This Is What Happy Looks Like'.

With each bite of my cake I felt a little more guilty, like me sitting down with this magazine, and this portion of cake was in some way a cosmic bitch slap! Okay Universe, I get your point!

This morning I drove to the walking park along with our poor old dog Anna and with my i-pod ear buds firmly implanted in my skull, I drug poor Anna's ass over the nearly 3 mile track, heat, humidity and all. I'm like this the first day with anything... TOTALLY PUMPED! And if I'm not pumped tomorrow or the next day, or the next?... Well, too late, I already put it out to the Universe.

*4 years ago I kept a food diary and lost 30+ pounds. Writing down everything I ate really worked for me.

Let's Take A Walk

Much to my husbands dismay I brought my camera along for our walk last night. He didn't feel he'd gotten quite the workout he hoped for with me lagging about snapping pictures here and there. So indulge me if you will, while I show you some sights along that 'Walking Park' we 'Drive' to most evenings.

Parking at the 'Walking Park' is getting more and more difficult... Clearly we aren't the only ones who 'Drive' to 'Walk'. We started our walk off near the Tennis and Basketball courts. Haven't seen anyone playing tennis yet but the basketball courts are always crowded in the evenings.

Next we wind our way around toward the most heavily wooded portion of the path. There is a portion of the pathway here that branches off into an unpaved trail (Freedom Trail) which meanders through the woods. The trail is just long enough to give you the impression you've left civilization completely except for the fact, the park has provided wooden bridges to aid in crossing over creeks beds. It's one of my favorite areas in the park and few people who visit seem to know about it. Most everyone sticks to the paved path. Sorry though, we didn't take the 'Freedom Trail' last night.

Next we meander our way around a large opening which skirts the tree line. It hasn't rained for a week or so but if it had, the ponds along the trail might be teeming with frogs and other creatures.

Winding our way around, we come to another branch off the trail which we call 'The Hill.' It's not too terribly long and not too terribly high. Just enough to give some folks an option for optimum fitness. Such as the guy we watched last week, who had weights strapped to his ankles and wasn't running up the hill he was JUMPING up the hill. I kid you not, he was making his way to the top by jumping with both feet together, taking great leaps, one after another in succession... WITH ankle weights! We've seen other guys with weighted vests running up and down 'The Hill' too. As for us, we didn't take 'The Hill' this time but we have in the past. I don't care for it too much because it cuts off a portion of the 'Walking Trail.'

Having made our way past 'The Hill' we now work our way toward what I call 'The Grove.' It's a stand of trees which completely ensconces the trail... You can see it's like walking into a tunnel. Should you have wandered here on a hot day and brought along sustenance, inside 'The Grove' are a couple of picnic tables.
Okay, so now we're beyond the grove and on the back corner of the course. The path is raised here and travels along marsh on either side. I'm not sure either of these mom's were all that thrilled I was taking pictures in their general direction, so do me a favor and don't click on the this pic because I don't think they'll be very happy about it.

(You just clicked on it, didn't you?)

I took the opportunity to snap a pic of she, who is clearly the better photographer in the family.

I am however, pretty proud of this shot I captured of the backside of 'The Hill.'



This is what most would consider the 'Front' of the 'Trail.' It wanders along the main highway but they did a pretty good job of masking it with low trees and bushes they left intact. There's a large portion of the 'Walking Trail' I left off here. Someone started complaining about how walking with two photographers was really cutting into his 'workout' so I put my camera away... Until we saw this gorgeous sunset and he agreed it was too good to pass up.

Thanks for joining us for a walk... And aren't you glad, you didn't even have to drive to get there.

Driving to the Walking Park

Sounds a bit insane, I know... But yes, our family has taken to driving 5 miles up the road so we can walk. But why not walk in your own neighborhood? Meh! Been there, done that. It's just so much of the same ol' same ol'. Whereas the 'Walking Park' is 300 acres of parkland. It has a nicely paved trail that winds for just under 3 miles around trees, marsh, basketball and tennis courts and a playground for the younger set. There's an area called the 'Freedom Trail' that winds through the woods which I find very pleasant. It's difficult to walk in the woods around our neighborhood because they're part of the golf course and unless I want to risk having my skull caved in by some Moe who fancies himself the next Tiger Woods, the only time I can walk the course is long after the sun has set. So, the Walking Park it is.

The park is brand spankin' new and in some areas, still a work in progress. It can get pretty crowded but that's the fun of going there. There are all walks of life and all shapes and sizes. It's nice to see people doing something good for themselves and it feels nice to be doing something good for me.... But driving somewhere so you can walk?... Crazy, I know.

Here's a pic of the trail I found online but when we head out for our walk tonight (and I know we will) I'll try to capture something a bit more interesting with my camera.

What's on YOUR i-pod?

So I'm aware that people send around these blogging meme's (how do you pronounce that? My son says it's 'mee-mee'. For some reason I hate that pronunciation and pronounce it as 'mem' as in memoir, it's so much more elegant that way and I'm sure you're all quite aware of just how elegant [pronounced: el-ee-gaunt] I am.)

Okay, so anyway... There are all these 'Meme's' flying through cyber space regarding what people listen to on their i-pod. While I was walking this morning I decided I wanted the world (or the 3 people that read my blog) to be 'in the know' as to what I'm listening too.... Narcissistic much?... Nah!

Now, I'll remind you I haven't had my i-pod for very long so my play list is still rather brief and to be fair, I'm not listing EVERY song, just the ones I enjoy the most while exercising. You know, the ones that really get my ass moving, my heart pumping and my pony-tail bobbing. I should also add, I'm no runner. I'm a power walker. So the songs I find particularly enjoyable to walk to all have a pounding steady beat.

So here goes: Oh, by the way, the ones with the stars are particular favorites and yes, I know I have very diverse taste in music.

Let's get it started - Black Eyed Peas* (always a great start to a workout.)

Foreplay/Longtime - Boston (Takes a little to get going with Foreplay but as the crescendo builds it induces a 'Get your ass moving' kind of high... Oh, and this goofy video, cracks me up!)

Get this party started - Pink (not one of my favs, I've got it on there with Lady Marmalade but neither of them are particularly inspiring and the latter is too slow, I may take these two songs out of the mix. What I should do is add Because we Can from my Moulin Rouge soundtrack in their place.)

Pour some sugar on me - Def Leppard (ya know, I thought this would be good to walk to, driving beat and all but it's just too slow, so I usually skip it. I like the song though.

Don't bring me down - ELO (I had to have some ELO in their, this song from the 'Time' album is from the first concert I ever attended, on the first date with the man I married... Romantic, I know. Kind of a stupid video though.)

I don't care - Fall Out Boy **(Hell, I have the entire 'Folie a Deux' album and listen to it all the way through during my workout. Each song has a driving beat that keeps me pumped, except for 'What a catch/Donnie' but every workout needs a cool down tune.)

Arms race - Fall Out Boy **(Yep, I have the entire 'Infinity on High' cd in there too.)

Love Today - Mika (Might as well make the deepest descent into geekdom by adding this one. Actually, I should just admit I've got the whole album on there too, but the only ones I listen to for the workout are Grace Kelly, Relax & Big Girls You are Beautiful... Of course!)

Now just so I can have the chance to redeem myself and my taste in music... Here's my all time fav:

Black Betty - Ram Jam*** (I can hit replay over and over on this song and keep goin' strong with every listen.)

Funk 49 - The James Gang (this is more of a 'truckin' song, so I don't play it often, but I like it!)

I'd really like to set up an i-tunes account but my husband is terrified I'll squander away our life savings .99 cents at a time... But here's a list of songs I'm compiling which I'd like to add to my workout repertoire:

Are you gonna be my girl - Jet

Ballroom Blitz - The Sweet (There are few songs more grin inducing than the beginning of this one... "Are you ready Steve?".... "Ah-huh"... "Andy?".... "Yeaaah"... "Mick?".... "Oh-kay".... "Alright fellas, let's GOooooooooo!")

Lose Yourself - Eminem (Maybe the beat is too slow but it's driving and a message of taking it on despite the hardship.)

So what's on YOUR i-pod? Got any suggestions I should add to my list?

Excellent Weight Loss Routine

For those of you who are searching for a NO FAIL weight loss routine... The answer is RIGHT HERE at The Paper Treehouse (whodathunk?)

This is all you need:

• A full length mirror - A large mirror will do. I don't happen to have a full length mirror but I DO have a mirror that covers nearly an entire wall over the counter in my bathroom.

• A chair - Place the chair in front of the mirror. I didn't need a chair, I used the bathroom counter.

• Strip down to your birthday suit - Yes, this means 'Get Naked'

• Now lean against the chair or the counter, allowing all manner of gut and girth to hang loosely. Once you've assumed this position, look into the mirror.

Trust me, you'll never want to eat again!

Addendum: If you do feel the urge to succumb to any fat or calorie laden food, simply use your powers of recollection to bring to mind the above exercise.

P.S. That money you were going to waste at the gym? Just send it to me.

Moderately Motivated

So I woke up this morning, took a shower and looked 'REALLY LOOKED' at my bathroom. Then I walked into my closet and looked 'REALLY LOOKED' at the mess that is my/our closet. Then I looked around my bedroom 'REALLY LOOKED' and you know what? I came to the conclusion that I just can't stand the clutter that is my life. It's not so much messy (my closet excluded) as it is just overloaded with stuff. Our house, while having a fair amount of square footage, is severely lacking ample storage space. Since this is the season for boasting Resolution and Change, let me lay it on the line... I'm making a solemn vow to all you inter-net-ers (like you care), that I have resolved to de-clutter my life... It's a new era. Next year someone is going to ask me where something is and I'm gonna KNOW exactly WHERE THAT THING IS!

Oh, and did I mention I'm also going to walk twice a day and get back on that low carb program which helped me lose all that weight a couple years ago? After my holiday purge, that is.

I'm pretty serious about all this folks and you know how you can tell? Because I'm sitting here on my ass writing about it, instead of ACTUALLY doing something. Yeah, that's motivation for ya.


Update: I put away the old coffee pot, set up the new one and cleaned the grime off the top of the fridge... Woo hoo! I'm really on a roll now eh?

It's Always Something...

Following the week that left me vowing I would NEVER eat 'Chicken-on-a-stick' EVER AGAIN! I made the commitment to climb back on that proverbial wagon known as 'Diet & Exercise'...

Watching what I eat is going very well, probably because my stomach shrank following its week long purge. Exercise... Not so much.

I started walking again and I don't know, maybe it's because I've been wearing sandals a lot lately or perhaps my 'Nike's' have lost all their support but my feet are killing me! When I try to walk it feels as though my ankles are just going to snap! I'm cursed with high arches so walking around barefoot or in shoes without support can result in a wicked 'Charlie-horse' across the top of my foot. The pain I'm currently experiencing however is a whole new affair. I made it a mile this morning and had to quit. I hobbled the rest of the way home and am now gingerly making my way around the house, clutching walls and considering one of these:



















I know I need to hit DSW for some new kicks but I'd better wait 'til I can heel-toe my way around, in order to make sure whatever I try on fits properly.

These are cool, but I know I'd better find something with far more support:



























The shoe, the stilettos and the Adidas sneakers you see in the gallery are all trompel’oeil paintings applied directly to the feet by a company named Temptu Paints. The New York City-based company specializes in airbrush make-up, temporary tattoos, body art and special effects makeup. The company, which does extensive work for Hollywood movies, TV shows, commercials, and the fashion industry, has a very impressive portfolio. The work you see in the gallery was commissioned by New York Magazine for a recent article.

Weight Training...

So I'm at the grocery store today, as the checker finishes scanning my order she asks for the THIRD time, "Are you sure you don't want any help out?" to which I replied, "No really, I consider loading groceries as part of my minimal exercise routine."

I left the checker laughing and hopefully brightened her day a little.